The Joker Doll
by M.S DARK ANGEL
Summary: ‘You may call me Joker, and I m a agent of chaos.’ Joker smiled, as the glare intensified. ‘Why so serious?’ he grinned as he pulled out a switch-blade and leaned closer to Sasuke. ‘Why. So. Serious?’ Joker asked again, putting it to the raven
1. Chapter 1

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

Chapter 1

It`s ALIVE!!!!

Naruto smiled at the toddler-sized doll and reached for the fabrics he had just got from the store, and began to sew.

'I will call you…Joker.' He smiled as he picked up his materials and made a purple suit, and a green undershirt of polyester cotton, black plastic shoes for Joker to wear, sewn a mane of green woollen thread for hair, painted the face a ghostly white, black round the acid green eyes and red for the sinister smile he had carved on it so that it matched his own, so now they both will be smiling forever and he gave it a set of metal element-proof claws, and miniature knives stowed away in it`s clothes.

'Let`s put a smile on that face!' Naruto cackled, as he poured a bit of Kyuubi`s chakra into it. Enough to give it a life. He didn`t realise that Kyuubi had gotten the real Joker`s soul and also poured it in.

'Now, we will have endless fun Joker!' he cried, holding up the newly created Joker doll in the air, then lowered his arms as he hugged it, content with months and months of hard work. Joker began to whine.

'Hey! Boss! Not so hard! My head`ll pop off!' it cried out, struggling to be released.

'W-what?! Joker? You`re alive! Oh wow!' Naruto smiled, as he set Joker on his table.

'Yep, and I hope you put man parts on me. Or maybe later, when your older.' Joker grinned.

'Yeah, don`t wanna screw that up.' Naruto agreed, the green-haired doll gasped.

'You have scars like me, but you look no older than 10-years-old. And you made me too! Just who are you exactly?' Joker asked him.

'My name is Naruto Uzumaki, I`ve had the whisker 1s since I could remember. The smiling 1…I got when I was attacked by a mob a month ago. Actually, I`m 12 not 10, oh, by the way, I have a 9-tailed-demon lord sealed in my tummy, so that`s how you was made.' Naruto explained. (A/N: Naruto already knew Kyuubi was trapped within him, so he used it to his advantage.)

'Whoa, quite the burden, eh Naruto?' Joker said as it all quickly sunk in, he spied a clock.

'You have no idea Joker.' Naruto sighed as he drummed his fingers on the table. The clown looked at the digital clock that read 8:30.

'Uh, do you have somewhere to go, cos if ya do, then you`ll be late. It`s 8:30.' Joker told him as his creator began to dash around.

'Oh, shit! If I`m late again, Iruka-sensei will have a fit!' the blonde boy yelled. Soon he was wearing baggy distressed jeans with a top that had "I see the fuck-up fairy has been at work again!" written on the front and his trademark orange jacket. He grabbed Joker, not wanting to leave him alone and tucked him into his jacket, tied his hit-ate around his neck and climbed out of the window, since the door was broken thanks to the damned villagers.

'Hey, Naruto? What`s ninja school like?' Joker`s muffled voice asked as Naruto ran.

'It`s okay, I suppose.' The young ninja said.

'If you say so…I`ll freak people out in case I get bored.' Joker muttered.

15 minutes later…

'You`re late Naruto!' Iruka glared.

'Sorry. I slept in.' Naruto apologised as he walked to his seat in the back of the class and sat down with his artistic best friend/surrogate brother who was doodling.

'Hiya Sai.' He greeted the pale boy next to him, who put his pencil down to wave.

'Hello Naruto, you finally finished that "project" of yours?' Sai quietly asked him.

'Yep, he`s walking and talking.' Naruto smiled as he carefully got Joker out of his jacket and onto the table. Sai blinked, Joker licked his scars, then walked to the edge of the table sat down and dangled his legs.

'Whoa, what`s he called?' the raven asked.

'Joker…hey! Where ya goin?' Naruto hissed as Joker walked away. Sai nudged him.

'Shh, I think he`s going to torment Uchiha.' said the raven, Naruto shook his head.

'Not likely, Joker`s got demonic chakra in him, Sai.' He told him, and they both smirked.

With Joker…

'Oi, emo-chicken!' a voice hissed. Sasuke lifted his head up to see a 2ft doll with a clown face looking down at him. He glared.

'Not gonna smile kid? If so, then you`ll have to meet my maker…he`s a riot!' Joker grins.

'What are you?' Sasuke ground out, hoping the tiny clown will leave him to brood alone.

'You may call me Joker, and I`m a agent of chaos.' Joker smiled, as the glare intensified.

'Why so serious?' he grinned as he pulled out a switch-blade and leaned closer to Sasuke.

'Why. So. Serious?' Joker asked again, putting it to the raven`s shocked mouth. Sasuke`s eyes widened in horror: he was about to have his face carved like Naruto`s. _~Did this "Joker" carve Naruto`s face too?_ Sasuke mused, frozen in shock.

'Let`s put a smile on that face!' the chibi clown cackled, as he gripped a struggling Sasuke`s hair, ready to make Sasuke smile…

'WHAT THE HELL?!!' a shocked yell from 1 Inuzuka Kiba startled him, Joker closed and shoved his blade in his suit pocket.

'It`s ALIVE!!!!' Ino screeched in horror.

'See-ya!' Joker cackled as he jumped off the table and onto the floor, he ran under legs.

'Quickly! Joker!' Naruto hissed to the clown, who quickly made a bee-line for him.

'Whoa, that was close!' Joker sighed as he was safely tucked away in Naruto`s arms.

'Did you see the look on Uchiha`s face! Oh, I wish I had a camera!' Sai snickered.

'Me and you both, good boy Joker!' Naruto chuckled as he patted said clown`s head.

'Thanks. Er, who are you?' Joker asked Sai.

'Oh, I`m Sai, Naruto`s best friend, and surrogate brother.' Sai introduced as he began to draw Joker threatening sakura.

'Name`s Joker, Gotham`s clown of crime.' Joker stated as Naruto and Sai gasped.

'What?' he asked the staring duo.

'As in the ancient city Gotham?' Naruto stared, Joker nodded with a fond smile.

'When did Gotham become ancient?' he asks.

'Bout…5,000 years ago. Give or take a few.' Sai told them. Joker gasped as the words hit home. He`d been asleep all those years!

'Whoa…that`s quite a while. I`m just glad you dragged me from hell, that`s all.' Joker managed to get out, before falling silent.

'Okay, now that weird kid is gone, you must now take the graduation test! We call out names and you`ll be tested.' Iruka called out, as Mizuki nodded in reply.

A few hours later…

(You know how the rest goes.)

'And how will this help?' Joker asked as Naruto opened a massive scroll on the forest floor and began to look at the contents.

'Mizuki-sensei said if I can do a jutsu from this scroll, I can pass the test.' His creator said, as Joker plopped down next to him.

'I reckon you should see what other things you can learn from this.' Joker told him.

'Huh. "Kage bunshin"? Perfect!'

'How bout "oni-inu-no-jutsu" boss.'

The duo continued to read through the scroll, after Naruto had perfected kage bunshin, they were able to learn more.

'Wonder what`s at the end.' Naruto mused.

'Hehe…there`s only 1 way to find out!' Joker giggled as they grinned and rolled it all out.

'NARUTO!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!!'


	2. Chapter 2

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

Thank-you for all the kind reviews! Sorry for being so late! And sorry for the short chappie! ^_\)

Chapter 2

Why so serious?

'Naruto, did you summon…that, thing?' Iruka asked the blonde demon child. (A/N: yes, it seemed fitting for Naruto to be a demon cos he has Kyuubi, innit? Well, he`s only half a demon…but they don`t know that, now, or do they? XD)

'Not…exactly…' Naruto started, as Joker continued pouring over the scroll, and wrote something in a little green book every now and then, since they probably won`t remember jutsu.

'Then…what?' Iruka asked, not liking where this was going. Joker stood up, and began talking. The chunnin felt slightly intimidated by the creature that resembled a demonic 2-year-old clown doll.

'Name`s Joker. I`m from ancient Gotham, and that will be all…next!' said doll smirked gleefully.

'I am his creator. And…yeah.' Naruto smiled, causing the scars on his face widen.

'You…made him?' Iruka gasped in shock, as Naruto nodded happily, then it all clicked: Naruto asking where he could get some decent materials, spending hours in the library, arriving late all the time, Naruto`s pranks getting more and more dangerous, Sai asking if "it was made yet?" Sai and Naruto drawing anatomy and now, Joker. It all fits.

'Wow…I never would`ve guessed, you hid it well.' Iruka said, rubbing the scar on his nose.

'Thanks, and-HEADS!!!!!!' Naruto yelled out: as they all dropped to the floor to avoid a huge shuriken from taking their heads clean off.

'Shoulders, knees and toes…' Joker snickered.

'Now`s not the time to be pissing bout, Joker.' Naruto stated as Joker shrugged in reply.

'Sorry boss…' he said with another shrug.

'So the demon brat has gotten his filthy hands on the forbidden scroll.' A voice in the tree-tops sneered. Iruka gasped, he recognized that voice: Mizuki. Mizuki was glaring down at the trio.

'Yeah, so what if boss has your precious scroll, you`ll die anyway!' Joker laughed as Naruto closed and sealed the huge scroll.

'Yes, it`s mine now.' the blonde grinned, his scars stretching, making him look a creepy Cheshire cat.

'Mizuki! Why have you done this?' Iruka shouted at the rouge chunnin who simply laughed.

'That boy, is merely a scapegoat in my plans!' Mizuki sneered at the trio, before he pulled out a huge shuriken, aimed it at Naruto.

*CLANG!!! *

'Erm, what the hell is your problem?!' Joker glared as he retracted his claws. (A/N: think Wolverine.) The chunks of shuriken scattered all over.

'Wha? Where the hell did you come from?!' the rouge leaf ninja yelled at the clown.

'Hell, duh!' Joker replied nonchalantly, as Naruto grinned at the doll`s comment.

'D`you want to know why you are hated by the villagers?! It`s because you-' Mizuki snarled, ignoring Iruka`s protests of "it`s against the 3rd`s law" and "don`t believe him" before he was cut off.

'I have the Kyuubi sealed in me…yes, I do know, about that bloody fox, so can you shut the fuck up about it, for fuck`s sake!' Naruto yelled.

'Haha! Lolz!' Joker laughed at his creator`s use of colourful language and put the scroll on his back.

'Naruto is just the jailor, and I don`t care if the Kyuubi killed my parents! They were neglecting me when I was little anyway!' Iruka yelled angrily.

'Huh? Well I`ll just kill you and the brat then! Die Kyuubi!' Mizuki roared as he flung yet _another_ fuuma shuriken at them. Naruto pulled out a grinning fish and twatted it away, and then he smacked Mizuki upside the head with it, accidentally taking it clean off.

'oops.' Naruto mumbled as the corpse fell to the floor with a dull thud. The head fell into a puddle.

'hehe! He got pwned!' Joker laughed at it.

'true, true, let`s get outta here!' the blonde half-demon said, pulling Iruka –who only got a broken arm by falling off a tree earlier- was un-harmed.

'uh, Naruto? Where did that fish come from?' he asked the young ninja who merely shrugged.

'I have no idea.' Naruto stated. Joker laughed more.


	3. Chapter 3

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

I`m really sorry! *Dodges a table* I didn`t mean for this chappie to be soooo late!! Collage bit me in the arse! And I had writer`s block!

*Hides under bed* Tobi really is too damn lazy for Tobi`s own good… .\)

Chapter 3

Hello again! You miss me? Of course not!

Naruto walked in, wearing his trademark orange jacket unzipped, a pair of black cargo pants with orange pockets and a 3-quarter top that had "behold, THE MIGHTY SPORK!!!!" emblazoned on the front and also had a fish-net waist, his hitai-ate and a pair of standard black ninja sandals. Joker, simply following him in the clothes he was made in. Ironically Joker was carrying a doll…a doll in a bat-suit to precise.

'Hey, moron, only ninja who passed the exam can be here!' a random genin shouted. Joker started to laugh: effectively scaring said kid as Naruto pointed at the head-band from around his neck. Then he went to sit with Sai and…why is Sai sat next to Sasuke? _~The fack? ~_

'What happened?' Sai asked him out-of-the-blue.

'Huh? What do yo mean?' Naruto replied quietly.

'Between you and Iruka-sensei…why is he so…jumpy?' the raven asked the blonde.

'He met Joker, and I accidentally killed Mizuki with a fish…' Naruto said softly, before writing down exactly what happened last night on Sai`s note-pad.

'So you`re in deep shit now, huh?' the older boy said, amusement leaking off of every word.

'Prolly (1) even if I can get sensei to not tell on me though…won`t be easy.' Naruto muttered.

'Psst! Mr. sensei`s coming!' Joker`s muffled voice said from under the table. Sai tried to stifle a snort.

'Ok! I`m going to announce the teams, since the majority of you passed, there will be groups of 4.' Iruka called out, Naruto and Sai exchanged sly smirks before they both began to doodle on some paper that Sai pulled out of who-knows-where.

'…And team 7 will be: Naruto, Sasuke, sakura and Sai. Team 8: Shino, Hinata, Jaidon and Kiba!' Continued Iruka as he read the names off a list.

'Team 10: Chouji, Alisa, Ino, and Shikamaru.' Iruka then closed the folder and wished all of the genins good-luck in the not-so-distant future.

'All right, you all will have to wait for your new instructor in here after lunch, you`re dismissed!' Iruka said, shooing them outside.

'Well damn…never expected to see this many families.' Naruto whistled. Joker and Sai nodded.

'You rigged it, didn`t you?' Sai asked Naruto.

'Somebody had to.' Was the blonde`s quick reply.

'I wonder if Beano magazine is still running…' Joker mused aloud. Sai shrugged in reply.

'I highly doubt it, Beano magazine will no longer exist, since it has been a few 1000 years or so.' Naruto stated, Joker groaned.

'Way to piss on my parade…' he muttered back.

'Meh, we can`t get what we want anymore, can we?' Sai sighed. (A/N: LOLZ!!!! XD)

'Nope, we should be used to it by now…for we are fated to be like this forever…' Naruto dramatically finished. Joker and Sai gave him a blank look. Sitting down under their usual spot: under a dark weeping willow tree, they pulled out a few bentos.

'Do you want to be punched in the face?' Joker growled as Sai handed Naruto a picture of some sort, it was female clown. (A/N: Imagine Harley Quinn from The Batman.) Naruto put down his chopsticks to get a better look of it.

'Huh? What`s this? A new design, wicked work Sai!' Naruto exclaimed as he stared at the picture.

'Lemme see! Harley? Where did you see her before?' the mini-clown asked, in a mix of shock and excitement. The 2 boys finished eating.

'Dunno, I saw her in a day-dream at some point today…so I drew her.' Was Sai`s drawled reply.

'Did you know her Joker?' Naruto asked, hoping to find out more about the mysterious female clown.

'Yes…she was my…closest…friend of sorts, she was only person I could relax with, could rely on, ya know?' Joker told his companions.

'I want to make myself a suit of pure ink…' Sai mused as the bell rang. They gathered up the leftovers from their lunches, and began to walk back into the academy to wait for their new instructor. Oh joy.

'A suit of ink? Like Venom? Who do you think our instructor is gonna be?' Naruto asked him.

'Yeah, a bit more menacing, somebody who better be good, cause if not, I`ll get you to sic Joker on them.' Sai replied as he pushed the door open.

'That might be an idea, might it?' Joker snickered as Naruto scooped him up so he looked inanimate.

'Hmm…so it may.' was the blonde demon`s reply.

The trio took their seats at the back, ignoring a certain banshee, and wasn`t at all bothered by Sasuke sitting next to Sai, who was painting tribal designs on Naruto`s hands for the next 10 minutes.

'What are you drawing onto me now?' Naruto asked, sapphire eyes locking onto onyx.

'A fox…it`s raping a wolf!' Sai snickered as Sasuke raised a slender eyebrow at his answer.

'The fuck? Wipe that off!' Naruto growled at the laughing raven, before he grabbed a brush and ink.

'Hah! Gotcha!' the blonde grinned as he drew a moustache on Sai`s face. Sai glared before slashing at Naruto`s direction with an ink-laden brush, Naruto ducked, only for it to hit Sasuke. Thankfully, they were the only team left, and Iruka had left earlier.

'This means war!' Sasuke snarled, as he slapped Naruto across the face with an ink-covered hand.

'Hey! Stop it!' sakura shouted, trying to stop the pale trio from trashing the class-room.

A few hours later…

Kakashi Hatake opened the door, not expecting to see 3 shockingly pale boys splattered in ink, and a pink girl cowering in the corner. He felt a cold, thin, sharp object on his shin: he looked down to see Joker holding a large meat cleaver to his leg.

'Why hello up there!' Joker snickered as he pressed the blade slightly harder. Kakashi blinked.

'Hey, Joker, leave him…it`s his own fault for being late.' Naruto said, as Joker jumped away and multiple traps were set off.

13 colourful, painful-looking explosions later…

'The tree?' Sai suggested, as the group left the partially destroyed class-room.

'Hehe! Mr. sensei is gonna have a hissy-fit when he sees the fun we had!' the pint-sized clown cackled.

'Aye, he surely will.' Naruto smirked as Sasuke paused to find that the pink genin was terrified of her new team-mates. (Naruto and Sai.)

'Who`s Shirley?' Sai asked in mock-confusion.

'Yo momma?' Joker suggested as Kakashi continued to observe the genin and the pair who seemed to have a possessed clown doll at their beck and call. Although he could tell that they were in for 1 hell of a ride. Naruto led them to a huge sinister-looking weeping willow tree.

'Now tell me, boys, how does a raven become a writing desk?' Joker asked as they all vanished under the dark, leafy curtains.

It`s 1 of my favourite words.

_There is more to this chapter, but my collage projects keep using my time up, and my chores have quad-tripled!! DX_


	4. Chapter 4

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

Thank-you for all the kind reviews! Sorry for being so late! Life bit me in the arse again! And how could I refuse people who love my work!

P.s: this whole fic was inspired by my little brother and reading a few Rozen Maiden mangas. ^_\)

Chapter 4

Psycho-says-what?

'So, tell us about yourselves. Likes, dislikes and all that jazz.' Kakashi asked as he sat on a huge root.

'Why don`t you start?' sakura replied, not noticing the vines slowly circling her neck.

'Well, fine, my name is Kakashi Hatake, I have many likes and dislikes…my hobbies? Well, you`re too young to know yet, and for dreams? Not for noses. You with the girlie top.' Kakashi smiled from under his mask. Sai glared, it wasn`t girlie!

'okay…my name is Sai. I like painting, Naruto and Joker-kun, Lady Sovereign and Marilyn Manson and my penis. (1) I dislike banshees, late people, biased people, children and people who stereotype. And my dreams are to help Naruto take over the world.' Sai grinned, _~Ha! betcha didn`t se that coming! ~_ he smirked, pulling out a paint-brush.

'oookay…pinkie, you next!' Kakashi said, as Naruto snickered as Sai twirled his paint-brush.

'hey! My _name_ is sakura haruno. I like…' Here she giggled and blushed while staring at Sasuke. 'My dislikes…Ino-Pig! And freaks and their dolls! My dream for the future…' She giggled and blushed harder this time whilst staring at Sasuke like a piece of meat. Said boy inched away.

'uhh…mr happy, you next!' Kakashi carried on, ignoring Sasuke`s angry glare, and Joker`s giggles.

'my name is Sasuke Uchiha, I like tomatoes, training and I dislike fan-girls, idiots, among other things and my dream, or ambition…is to kill a certain man, and revive my clan.' Sasuke stated.

'okay, and last but not least, Chucky. (2)' Kakashi smiled. Naruto grinned as Joker and Sai laughed.

'haha! Good 1, my name is Naruto Uzumaki, I like ramen, Maximum the Hormone, M.S.I, KoRn, Evanescence, training, creating fighting dolls, my best friend Sai, and Joker. I dislike people who hate others for things that are out of their control, stereo-types, and banshees. My dream is to take over the world, and befriend demons.' Naruto grinned toothily. Kakashi stood up and looked at them.

'well, meet Okay tomorrow we are going to take a survival test.' Kakashi said with an eye-smile.

'WHAT? WE DID THOSE IN THE ACADEMY!' yelled the banshee known as sakura, who then noticed the vines about to strangle her getting slightly tighter. Joker spied a doll-like green figure with hair like spilled blood.

'Well this is a test to see if you are even worthy of my time to become ninjas. Oh and just so you know this test has a 66% chance of failure.' Shock was evident on all the faces but Naruto and Sai who just smiled and shook their heads in agreement. 'Well that`s interesting.' Naruto commented.

'Meet at training ground 7 tomorrow at 9 o` clock, and I wouldn't eat breakfast tomorrow unless you like throwing up. Dismissed!' Kakashi concluded, getting up only to find sakura being dragged up the tree by branches. She was screaming blue-bloody murder, after being held 20 feet in the air she was literally thrown out of the tree and a shrill female voice shouting "GET OUTTA MY PUB!" (3)

'Poison Ivy? Is that you?' Joker asked, walking towards the small figure who smiled at him.

'Sakura!' Kakashi gasped, running after the girl. Naruto, Sasuke and Sai nodded in a job well done.

'Hi Joker…that pink human was so annoying. I had to do something.' Ivy said, as Joker laughed.

'I know! She is such a bad joke!' the clown cackled. Ivy shrugged with a gleam in her eyes.

'Well, I have a plan…here`s what we`re gonna do…'

TBC…

(1) It seemed appropriate at the time. Plus, Naruto and Sai aren`t exactly normal.

(2) Google it. XD

(3) yeah, Peggy moment…gotta stop watching Eastenders…even if there is very mild yaoi in it.


	5. Chapter 5

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

This whole fic was inspired by my little brother and reading a few Rozen Maiden mangas. ^_\)

Chapter 5

Weird conversations!

Joker smiled, Ivy shyly looked up at Naruto, and the scarred blonde grinned at the doll duo.

'So where did you pop out from?' the demonic teen asked as he picked them both up and started to walk to his apartment building he shared with Sai. (A/N: they live in different rooms, so Naruto can do his stuff and Sai can do his own shit without much trouble.)

'I was buried in a tree. And when I woke up, I found fakery and threw it away from me.' Ivy said shrugging a green shoulder.

'Fakery?' Joker asked as the other doll shrugged in reply. (Sasuke walked off to his own house alone)

'The pink thing, it simply screamed "fake!" I so do hate them. It should be eradicated.' Ivy continued.

'We`re working on it! hopefully, we should, uh, be done after Boss gets us all sorted.' Joker retorted, as they walked up a flight of stairs.

'Yeah, we need to renovate, and I`ll see to getting a few plants for you to, heh, care for.' Sai supplied, making the red-haired doll squeal happily.

'Also, I have a few packs of seeds to get you started, then we need to get the big guns.' Naruto smiled as a light orange flower bloomed in her hair.

'Thank-you my masters!' she cried out, hugging Sai, then Naruto. Who stared at her shocked: nobody ever hugged them like that…not even when Naruto rescued Sai from Danzo and his cronies all those years ago. (5 years.)

'Your welcome Ivy…call me Sai.' Sai said to her after she let Naruto go. Naruto held her up and smiled as they unlocked the door and walked in.

'And please call me Naruto.' He told her with a smile that only just managed to reach his eyes. Naruto slammed his door shut. When inside, he looked it the dolls, and with a smirk on his face and stated:

'We should be able to make a green house, when I permission from the old man…he`ll cave, cuz I`ll play them by the card. Ya can`t fool this demon. And I`ll get some lovely plants from the Forest of Death, and a few other places.' Causing Ivy to squeal and hug him.

Weeks later…

'So, what`s occurin?' Joker grinned at his creator as Sai pulled out some pots and started dinner.

'Got the green-house sorted, I got a few bunshin to set it up and help the little seeds and plants grow, I`ll get our little flower settled in soon 'Naruto piped up as he sat on the beaten-up grey sofa.

'Hmm, how`s your little pet doing?' Sai asked, as he sliced up some meat and stuck it in the pot. (He was making a curry that consists of lamb, potatoes, chilli, onion and some other things.)

'Pet? Whaddya mean by "your little pet" Sai?' Naruto asked, getting up and began cutting up the onions into tiny cubes and dropping them into the pot.

'Sasuke…I know you want him to be at your feet for the rest of his natural life. To be your slave, I know you know what kind of slave I mean.' Sai replied, pouring some tomato puree in the curry and stirring it clock-wise.

'Ah, well let`s try and keep this T-rated for now, eh Sai?' Naruto suggested, looking in a cupboard. He then decided to hold up Joker in the air so he could find out what was on the higher shelves. Ivy climbed onto a stool so she could watch the drama unfold. Joker was put on a chair next to her, Naruto climbed on the unit to look.

'Okay, okay, we`ll talk bout this later yeah? By the way, what are you looking for?' Sai asked, staring at Naruto.

'Rice, do we have any rice? If not, we`ll have to get some.' The blonde stated, jumping down. Sai shook his head and Naruto sighed, put his jacket and shoes on before he left to raid the nearest shop for some rice.

'Hey, Sai. Just wonderin` but, is Boss bringin` more of us back? Cuz, I kinda miss Harley…and I bet Ivy`s missin our old friends too.' Joker said as the pale teen put the gas on low and sat down at the table with the dolls.

'Not sure…why do you want more people around you? I cannot understand.' Sai asked, noting down the way Ivy suddenly frowned, and Joker twitched.

'Have you ever had friends, apart from Master Naruto?' Ivy replied, Sai paused then shook his head in reply.

'No…Naruto is my 1st ever friend. (1)' was the soft reply. Sai had never realised how much Naruto had effected him: sure he`s still emotion-less and socially retarded, but the demon-child had rescued him from a hell, a life that wouldn`t wish on anybody, made him open up a bit more, and also showed him a outlet: painting. 10 of Sai`s pictures hung all around the apartment. Naruto often relied on Sai for things like: helping him cook, a sparring/training partner, a pranking partner, a brother, best friend…and Sai relied on Naruto too.

'Hey, Master…are you crying? How strange…' Ivy commented as the boy wiped his eyes to find ink?

'What the heck? I bet I bleed ink too…*cuts finger* yep, it`s black…not red…no wonder the other ROOT members didn`t like me…hell, Danzo didn`t like me…fucking semen soaked socked bastard! (2) I`ll pull his penis off, snap it in ½, stick it in a blender and make him eat it in a fudging cup-cake! No, a COCK-cake! And stick him in a tank of piranha!' Sai raged. Joker laughed, his manic laugh echoed in the apartment.

Somewhere else…

'Somebody wants me dead…but whom? I must go in Kohona to investigate.' A certain, old bandaged, war-hawk muttered as he felt a cold sensation shoot up his spine, the old man suddenly turned, ran, and promptly slammed into the door-frame. A pair of ROOT members stared as he knocked himself unconscious and 1 of them wheeled him out, his comrade`s laughter was heard by all the other members who wondered what the hell was so funny. They found out through rumors, and laughed.

Back with Sai…

'Wow, are you finished plotting cock-cake`s death yet? Cuz Boss is back.' Joker quipped, right on cue, Naruto shut the door with a satisfied smirk on his face.

'Got it! And did you just say "cock-cake" Joker?' he asked, the smirk stretching into a grin.

'Yep, Ink Boss said it! I reckon ya should find our dear "Cock-cake" and pull his penis off, snap it in ½, stick it in a blender and make him eat it in a cup-cake, hence the name: COCK-cake! And ya should also stick him in a tank of piranha! I really like that plan!' Joker cackled.

'Ink-boss? Naruto told you about the time I painted my clothes on with inks, didn`t he?' Sai asked, albeit hesitantly. Joker and Ivy nodded. He groaned.

'Ink! It kinda suits you, cuz…er, you know.' Ivy said, trying to make light of the situation.

'It was a good thing I was wearing boxers…it was cold too…damn nipple erection!' Sai grumbled as Naruto and Joker howled with laughter, Ivy giggled, she then realised that Sai was brooding: if the storm clouds over his head say it…now there is lightning…how does he do that? That bolt looks quite lethal…she poked his arm.

'What?' he asked/growled, Ivy bit her lip, before she pulled a white rose from her hair, and tipped it black.

'Here, is a rare monochromatic rose: I call it…the Sai rose…it will make you look dramatic and very Addams.' Ivy told him as she put it in a button-hole and tied it so it wouldn`t fall out. Sai gave her a genuine smile.

'Thank you very much Ivy…I will wear it every day.' He thanked the plant-obsessed doll.

A week later…

'Sai? Why are you still wearing that thing?' sakura asked, the boy in question merely tapped the side of his nose, and went back to his sketching. sakura fumed.

'That`s not a good enough answer!' she screeched at him. Sai blinked before pulling a black ear-phone out.

'What? I didn`t catch a word of that… I was too busy listening to the orgasmic voice of Marilyn Manson…' he replied dreamily, putting it back in. Joker snickered.

'Kyehaha, ne, Sasuke? Wanna listen?' Naruto hissed at the last Uchiha, Sasuke looked at Sai who appeared to be sketching those cursed dolls of Naruto`s, sakura who was staring at him like a retarded donkey. (3) And took the offered ear-phone. He stuck it in only to hear "Linkin Park – No More Sorrow" he sat with Naruto, back-to-back…and a twisted kind of friendship formed between the duo_. ~I really like this song…how did Naruto-kun get it, I-wait! Did I just say "kun"? Forget bout him, I must get stronger in order to kill my brother, I`ll train…right after this song. ~_ Sasuke thought as "Marilyn Manson – Personal Jesus" came on. Kakashi poofed in 2 hours late, and was completely ignored.

- TBC…-

M.S DARK ANGEL: Yaayy! Finally, that fucking writer`s block has left me the hell alone! Uh, I don`t mean to sound rude, but…review please? It really does help! And the lack of reviews is mortifying, and puts me off, I tend to think along the lines of _~if they don`t help me, why the fuck should I do anything for them? ~_. So, umm…review plz? It gives me ideas and will update faster! ^_\)

(1) L`s line he said to Light: "Light-kun is my 1st ever friend." (I reckon it would work, cuz Naruto befriended Sai in the manga/anime. It seemed fitting to be honest.)

(2) 1 of my college friends (Jess) snarled out "you fucking semen soaked socked bastard!" at a boy who kept flinging bits of chalk at her…she then took my metal ruler and smacked him with it! XD

(3) After watching Shrek The 3rd, when Donkey tries to do Puss In Boot`s "Kitten-eyes" and fails epically…it`s pretty damn funny! XD


	6. NOT A CHAPTER!

NOT A CHAPTER!

Okay, I uh, need some more ideas!

Who should have a doll and what doll could they have? I might make it a multi-crossover if, I get good enough ideas, so…um, help?

If you say what doll you want, along with some info (appearance, personality…etc.)

And also, should I make it into a yaoi? Or not bother with it?

Erm, it would really help it you read all my other stories and review them, cuz it makes me want to update! And if I update them, then you can read more and help me on the way! ^_\)

And if ya wondering why I`m taking so long, it because I either: are lazy, banned from the computer, (cuz I have insomnia, and staying on the computer makes it worse.) doing chores, or at college.


	7. Chapter 7

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

Tobi: Hi! Nope, I ain`t dead, just college grabbed me by the proverbial balls and dragged me away. And when I wanna read, the Internet goes off! So I then Falcon-Punched the Writer`s Block, and here we are! I`m gonna ask, Yaoi or no Yaoi? And who should go with who.

This whole fic was inspired by my little brother and reading a few Rozen Maiden mangas. ^_\)

Chapter 6

What`s black, doesn`t shut up and red all over?

'Hey, Ink-boss. Think you could make me a gun?' Joker asked the raven-haired teen. Sai raised a inky eyebrow, then he continued painting using the paint-pollen that Ivy made for him.

'No, I need to finish this painting, and Naruto makes things like that, not me.' Sai told the miniature murderer.

'Yeah, but Fox-boss is making something already! And he also chucked me outta his lab, Ivy`s gone to her little green-house thingie, and I`m bored!' Joker whined, Sai groaned.

'Well, I need to finish this, and- why do you have a camera?' he suddenly asked. Joker grinned in reply.

'Weeell, I am bored, and I plan on trying my hand on extortion, and uh, Fox-boss has been in his lab for ages…ya don`t reckon he`s uh, making another 1 of us, do ya?' Sai`s head shot up at hearing this tid-bit of information. Joker blinked as Sai stood up.

'Extortion is a good idea, but Naruto-kun made another warrior doll?' the pale teen asked himself, Joker shrugged in reply.

With Naruto…

'So, all I gotta do is write on the soul-paper what spirit I want to place in a doll?' Naruto asked the demon in his mind-scape.

'**Yup, love what you`ve done with the place kit.'** Naruto`s near-identical twiin told him. the Kyuubi had taken Naruto`s image, and just added blood-red slitted eyes, elongated fangs, claws, torn and bloodied clothes, complete with crimson fox-ears and 9 swishing tails. Naruto looked at the book in his hands, nodded and left the demon to his own devices. Kyuubi grinned at the cities in front of him, and pulled out a bazooka, cackling madly as Konoha also materialized.

'Hmm, what was that name again? Uh…aha! Now I remember.' Naruto smirked and wrote the name out in the book Kyuubi gave him. it was the 1st of many names to come.

2 hours later…

Sai walked to the lab and knocked on the door, twirling a black lily, Ivy loved to give him flowers that are usually black or white. Said doll had a bunch of lavender tucked behind her ear.

'Ne, Naruto-kun! We need to get going now or else we will get late for that C-rank mission!' he called through the door.

The door was wrenched open and Naruto had a triumphant grin on his face, and in his arms, was a doll in red and black clothes, matching mask, boots and gloves, had a pair of daggers acting as katana crossed on his back and a tiny pair of pistols attached to both thighs.

'We`re ready! Everybody, this is Deadpool! He`s gonna tag along for the mission! Um, Sai? Are we all ready?' Naruto asked Sai, who simply smiled, picked up Ivy, and handed him a pack. Joker skulked over and pulled out a stray senbon. Within minutes the ninja duo locked up and carrying a doll each. Joker and Dead-pool (Naruto) Ivy (Sai)

'Yo! name`s Dead-pool, what`s yours? Who are the others? Are our creators' ninja? And where are we going? Are we flying?' the newest addition to the dysfunctional family rambled on.

'Hi! I`m Joker, the guy carryin` us is Naruto, A.K.A: Fox-boss. The other guy`s Sai, A.K.A: Ink-boss, he`s carryin` the lovely Poison Ivy, yep, they are ninjas, we`re off on a mission somewhere with Fox and Ink-boss, we probably are flying!' Joker screamed with delight, Ivy rolled her eyes.

'We`re here! Ah, Kakashi-sensei isn`t here yet. Hello Tazuna-san, Sasuke-kun, sakura.' Naruto smiled, stretching his scars.

'Hn, what took you?' Sasuke asks as Dead-pool waved in reply.

'You made another 1?' sakura shrieked in horror. Ivy giggled as Sai put her on the floor, Joker and Dead-pool joined her on the ground. Sai looked at the pink fan-girl with veiled distain.

'Yep! Aw, stop it with theatrics, they are here to help us kill the bad guys!' Naruto grinned at her. Ivy dusted off her dress.

'Yo! I`m Dead-pool! The merc with a mouth at your service…' Dead-pool said, kissing Ivy`s knuckles through his mask and gave a over-exaggerated bow to the giggling Ivy. The dolls then linked arms, after shaking Joker`s hand and avoiding the buzzer.

'Sorry for attempting to behead you yesterday, you really shouldn`t have called me a freaky doll-boy.' Naruto told Tazuna with a blank expression. Then Kakashi poofed in.

'You`re late! What`s the excuse this time?' sakura snapped, not showing that the dolls intimidated her. Kakashi eye-smiled.

'I helped a old lady with her shopping, and then I-' Kakashi started but then felt Joker`s meat cleaver against his leg.

'#Liar, liar, pants on fire, your nose is longer than a telephone wire! #' (1) Deadpool sang mockingly as Joker cackled. Ivy smiled and yanked the 2 dolls away from him, via vines.

'Now, now you 2, you can`t simply attack Master Naruto`s teacher because he is late.' Ivy reasoned to the protesting dolls.

'Thank-you miss Ivy.' Kakashi thanked her, and turned to Tazuna to try and calm him down and to proceed with the mission. Naruto and Sai scooped up the dolls and followed the rest of the team who was escorting the bridge-builder to Wave.

'You kill him when he completely infuriates Masters Sai and Naruto! Otherwise, it seems better, yes?' the plant doll finished.

'That`s brilliant! Such wisdom!' Deadpool praised.

'It`s a good thing Fox-boss has such a short fuse, we don`t have to wait too long!' Joker laughed, setting Deadpool off.

'Now, really! Killing Kakashi-sensei? Are you stupid? Nobody can do that!' sakura yelled angrily. Ivy laughed.

'Really now? I killed the uh, Batman, Ivy killed Green Lantern (2) and Deadpool killed…um, loads of people I can`t be bothered to say, and Fox-boss killed Mizuki! And Ink-boss killed…uh, tons of people too, so try us!' Joker cackled.

'Y-you killed Mizuki-sensei?' sakura and Sasuke gasped in shock, Sai and Kakashi looked a bit surprised at this new revelation, Naruto shrugged a orange-black shoulder.

'Meh. Old news…wait, didn`t Iruka-sensei tell you guys? Mizuki was a traitor, and he attacked me and-' Naruto retorted but got cut off by Joker and Deadpool as they imitated slicing motions. Joker waved a cleaver and Deadpool a sword.

'OFF WITH HIS HEAD!' (3) they shrieked excitedly.

'Yeah, that…' Naruto smiled, as the rest of the group (minus the dolls and Sai) stared in horror. Kakashi hid his reaction quite well. Naruto waved at the guys guarding the gates, they waved back. Deadpool, unable to keep quiet, began chattering away. Joker, not wanting to be outdone, began talking too.

'Did you have to bring that up sakura? It wasn`t a pleasant thing to see you know, I didn`t know how much blood was in the human body before that happened, so please try not to bring it up.' Naruto told the pinkette, adjusted the dolls in his arms, and pointedly ignored her. Sai walked closer to Naruto.

'Hey Joker, you was there…what happened with lord Naruto and this Mizuki character?' Deadpool asked.

'Yeah, what did master do to him?' Ivy added her question. Joker shrugged in reply before laughing a little.

'3 words: Owned. By. Fish. Kyehaha!' the unhinged clown laughed, Deadpool laughed at the implications.

'#I am not a bad man, even though I do bad things, very bad things, such terrible things, but I`m not quite what I seem, not quite what I seem…ah, hell, I`m exactly what I seem! #' Naruto softly sang to himself. (4)

'Welcome to the mad-house…' (5) Kakashi sighed, Tanzuna whimpered.

-TBC-

Tobi: heh, sorry for the late and short chappie! Kyehe! They now know what happened to Mizuki! Okay, I`m kinda tempted to kill sakura off, and it`s almost to the fighting bit! ^_\)

(1) Ever sang that as a kid? I sure as hell did, and it just seemed to fit right in!

(2) I asked my cousin which character from DC she hated, and she told me "I really hated Green Lantern…and why the heck are you asking me these questions Misha?" I just typed away.

(3) Alice in Wonderland reference, if you didn`t get it then you must be thick!

(4) Listen to Creature Feature - Such Horrible Things. It kicks arse!

(5) My mum actually said this to my friend when she came over, needless to say, she never came back over to mine! XD


	8. Chapter 8

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

This entire fic was inspired by my little brother and reading a few Rozen Maiden mangas. ^_\)

Will remain T-rated until I feel like it.

Chapter 7

Burping.

'Hey Fox-boss`s sensei! We there yet?'

'Uh, Kakashi-sensei? Are we there yet?'

'No, we aren`t Stitches.'

'Yo! Lord Naruto`s teacher! Ya sure we ain`t there yet?'

'Yes I`m sure, now shut the hell up!'

That what was heard for the next few hours since the ninja left Konoha. And it got old real fast.

'What`s with the dolls?' Tazuna asked Sasuke, the angst-ridden teen shrugged in reply as Deadpool poked Kakashi in the ribs with a random stick for the 3rd time due to boredom.

'I think they are like a type of weapon, but only the creator -in this case Naruto- can control them or something…it kinda helps, because instead of a 4-cell team, we have a 8-team cell. The dolls are back-ups.' Sasuke explained to the bridge-builder.

'And I think Sai was the 1 who thought up the designs…those 2 are inseparable…I wish I had somebody that close…' Sasuke mumbled the last bit to himself. Tazuna moved closer the others.

'Hey, Sasuke, is it? What`s the matter?' a voice below him asked, Sasuke looked down to see Ivy. _~The only sane doll…I hope. ~_

'Yes. And nothing that concerns you.' Was the curt reply.

'Right, I will drop it for now. Care to carry me? Master Naruto and Sai are a little occupied in annoying your teacher and my feet feel weird.' She told him, turning on the puppy-eyes. Sasuke sighed, and with a muttered "Fine." He picked her up and balanced her on his hip.

'Thank-you.' Ivy smiled, resting her head against Sasuke`s chest, held her closer and smiled softly.

'Hey, Fox-boss, look!' Joker hissed, Naruto looked over his shoulder to see Sasuke holding Ivy as if she was his own. He had a small smile on his porcelain face.

'Aww, cute.' Naruto remarked, loud enough for Sasuke to hear.

20 minutes later…

'What`s with this fog? You didn`t let a pellet off again, did`ya Fox-boss?' Joker retorted. Naruto denied the accusations.

'GET DOWN!' Kakashi yelled, making them all dive to the floor. A huge sword flew over them and got imbedded into a tree. Sai swore he had heard a squelching noise.

'Kyeheheh…Copy-cat Kakashi…fancy meeting you here.' An ominous voice stated as the Konoha ninja and Tazuna stood.

'Hm, Zabuza of the Bloody Mist…what do you want?' Kakashi glared balefully at the mist, wondering where the hell Zabuza was hiding. Naruto suddenly belched. Loudly.

'Ugh, I don`t remember eating that!' he muttered, pulling a face.

'Oh, gross! Fox-boss! That smells like tuna!' Joker laughed as Deadpool flapped his tiny hands.

'Ew, that stinks something fierce! Joker! You got a fan I can lend?' the merc asked, as the mist swiftly vanished.

Zabuza stared: in front of him was the famed Kakashi. Behind him was the damned bridge-builder, a emo kid holding a green doll with red hair, another emo-ish kid holding a paint-brush and had a black lily in his hands, a blonde boy that had scars up the sides of his mouth in a macabre version of a smile and he was holding a green-haired clown doll with the same scarred smile and another doll wearing a full red and black suit and further behind them, laid a beheaded corpse_. ~At least I got 1 of them. ~ _The missing-nin mused, the he suddenly looked at the dolls.

'What the fuck is with-?' he started but was cut off by Kakashi raising his hand stop him in mid-sentence.

'Don`t ask, they just showed up, I think Naruto-kun made them.'

'Tis true! I did it!' Naruto grinned, handing Deadpool to Sai, then waved manically. Joker mimicking him perfectly.

'Just let us past…please?' Sai asked politely. Deadpool nodded, not really caring what the hell he was agreeing to.

'Why should I do that? I was hired to kill that bridge-builder.' Zabuza retorted, annoyed: _~why can`t they just let me kill him and carry on their merry little way! ~_

'Just let us pass Gandalf. Or I`ll sic the dolls on ya!' Naruto taunted, as Joker and Deadpool burst out laughing.

'Gandalf? Who the fuck is that?' Zabuza snarled, before charging at the team. Kakashi sighed in defeat. _~I did warn him. ~_ He couldn`t help but smirk_. ~He`s in for it now. ~_

'Get him!' he silver-haired jounin smirked as the genin and dolls charged past him.

'Hey, where`s sakura?' he asked, Tazuna shakily pointed at the lump lying a few feet away. _~Aw, shit…~_


	9. Chapter 9

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

This entire fic was inspired by my little brother and reading a few Rozen Maiden mangas. ^_\)

Will remain T-rated until I feel like it.

Due to laziness and lack of reviews, I didn`t update…buuuut! An awesome reviewer got me motivated again! *Glomps vampydarkangel* thank-you a gazillion times! And please don`t splode! I has no mop…it got stolen…along with a few garden chairs! \) Y`know you could just write it, post it on here and wait for some reviews! (Joker: Kinda like what you did? Me: yes, now shush!) Wonder who else I can use as a doll?

Plus the Internet fucked up again…*computer beeps loudly* what the funk are you complaining to me bout again? You flaming computer! *Glares at screen*

Chapter 8

What now?

'Okay, stop. Stop it you little monsters!' Kakashi yelled, the psychotic genin paused in their pummelling of the missing-nin.

'Monsters? You have no idea of how monstrous we can be!' Naruto, Joker, Sai and Deadpool laughed as they moved away.

'Sensei…you should know better than to underestimate us! It kinda makes me worry for your health like that.' Naruto grinned.

'I can hazard a guess!' Kakashi snapped, starting to get annoyed at the genin that was attacking Zabuza.

'Can I twock ya book?' (1) Deadpool asked, taking Zabuza`s bingo book, the mist-nin barely conscious.

'Hey! Can we take him home? Please Fox-boss!' Joker begged, until a senbon flew out of nowhere and hit Zabuza.

'Thank-you, we have been looking for this 1 for a while, I will go and dispose of the body.' A masked hunter-nin told them, before vanishing with a swirl of snow.

'Hey! You just nicked me bloody kill!' Joker yelled angrily.

'You can find another missing-nin to kill.' Said Kakashi before walking over to the head-less corpse.

'Damn…poor girl…who has a spare sealing scroll? I need to transport her back to Konoha.' He called out. Sai appeared at his elbow and handed a scroll to him.

'Here, sensei…Naruto-kun had suggested for us to bring a few scrolls for things like this. Accidents happen.' The artist smiled. Kakashi stared. _~How can he say that this is some accident? Shouldn`t they all be sad or freaked out that sakura`s dead? I have 1 fucked up genin team. They seem to be actually happy that she`s dead! ~_ He had told them what happened shortly after the hunter-nin had gone with Zabuza`s body, not a single reaction. Apart from those dolls who giggled.

'What can we do now? Tell us, she had told us that she was going to go to a different team, I think she was too busy obsessing over Sasuke-kun to actually tell you, bloody fan-girls…useless.' Sai said, picking up a bloody Deadpool.

'When should we be expecting Zabuza and his little pet?' Naruto asked as Joker climbed up a blood-soaked leg so he could hold him. Sasuke bent down and picked up a slightly bloodied Ivy.

'A week, give or take a few days.' Kakashi told them as they walked to Tazuna`s house, said bridge-builder looked at the blood-stained genin warily and remained at Kakashi`s side.

'I have the dude`s bingo book!' Deadpool crowed happily, and handed it to Sai who gave it to Naruto who then pocketed it.

'W-we are c-close to my house.' Tanzuna stuttered after a while of them walking swiftly down the road. Soon enough, they walked up to a small house and Tanzuna scrambled to knock on the wooden door. A young woman, probably Tazuna`s daughter, opened the door, gasped, and then let them all in.

'Father! What happened?' she asked as Tanzuna sat down and gave a sigh of relief and began to explain everything to her. Kakashi looked at his students:

Naruto was sat on a dark blue sofa, Sai on his right, Sasuke on his left. The 3 dolls sat at his feet, Naruto looked like some sort of mobster, he was cleaning a large array of shuriken and kunai, with a few kitchen knives…and a potato peeler? (2) Sai was sketching in a large drawing pad with a small black stick-thing. (3) Sasuke was reading a scroll. Probably clan jutsu.

'You poor dears! I`m going to fix you all some lunch!' the woman stated, and then practically ran to her kitchen to do so.

'Thank-you Tsunami-chan!' Tanzuna yelled back cheerily. Tsunami laughed from in the kitchen. Joker was making a good impersonation of zombie with no legs, Deadpool was pointing and laughing, and Ivy was leaning against Sai`s legs.

_~They kinda look like a family of sorts…a cute, yet vicious and blood-thirsty, if slightly dysfunctional family…with a scoop of insanity…for good measure of course. ~_ Tanzuna mused.

'Any ideas on who`s next?' Sai asked, not looking up from his piece he was currently working on. Joker slunk over to his "audience" and sat with them.

'Somebody who scares the funk outta people?' Deadpool suggested. Ivy shared a look with Joker on this.

'Who scared Bats? For a little while Joker?' Ivy asked the clown who was attempting to lick his elbow by twisting odd angles.

'Uhh, Scare-crow, I think…sorry Deads!' he replied, straining to reach it, the he toppled over and landed on Deadpool`s lap.

'No problem, Jokes, and who`s Scare-crow? He sounds like fun!' Deadpool grinned, Joker sat up on Deadpool`s lap and stared at the masked doll.

'Scare-crow`s idea of fun was blasting a fear gas in your face, then torturing you with it.' Ivy stated as Joker nodded.

'He was a real hoot! Although, Killer Croc shit him up too.'

'True…we should probably be wondering who the hell ran off with our kill!' Ivy said, brushing a few stray crimson curls from her pale green face. Tsunami walked in from the kitchen announcing that dinner was ready and the table was set.

The 3 genin put their stuff away and walked over to the table, leaving the 3 battle dolls to their own devices. The dolls jumped on the sofa and lay sprawled like rag-dolls (pardon the pun) and continued talking about their past and whom they killed, and who they really missed. Joker spoke about Harley Quinn and how he wished he could make it up to her for the way he treated her before Night-Wing knocked some sense into him, but by that time it was too late to rectify the way he treated her, by that time it was too late: Harley had already died in a explosion that was supposed to destroy a large part of Gotham city.

Ivy missed her plants, but she also missed Harley, Cat-woman, Riddler and Scare-crow too, they was fun to talk to when they were stuck in Arkham Asylum or just random raids in Gotham just to piss Bat-man off. _~And now, Master Naruto was hopefully going to make another. I wonder who though…~_ she mused as Deadpool laughed at something Joker told him.

In the other room…

'Gato, huh? Well, if he`s so big and tough…I`d like to see how he`d react to me…I`m not the kind to brag, but I`d lop his head off and give it to you a early birthday present, and use his intestines as decorations. (4) Will be quite funny to be honest.' Naruto stated after swallowing his food. The young boy, Inari, simply gaped at him. Sai, being the closest to him, gently shut the boy`s mouth.

'You`ll catch flies, darling.' He smiled. Inari stared in shock at the shinobi sat at the table. He looked into the living room and saw 3 dolls playing and laughing, the small child sat in his chair, shocked at the fact that there was _dolls playing_ in there.

'W-what?' he burbled, Naruto stood up and began to talk.

'We are team 7, we have certain things that no other kind of team has in the Shinobi Nations, Kakashi-sensei has his nin-dogs, Sai-kun has his ink art, Sasuke-kun has his blood-line and I have my battle dolls. And yes, they do have souls…and are technically living things…I consider them my kids so don`t even try it. That is all.' The doll-maker sat and began to eat his rice calmly Sai sipped his water. Inari blinked, and sat dumbly.

'Jokes! Where are you going?' Deadpool`s voice cried out. They turned to the door to see Joker walking in and handing a spray-can with a smiley face painted on it to Naruto.

'I`m re-making Smilex…I`m still working on the antidote…be careful with it though, you`ll laugh to ya drop!' he grinned and Naruto gave a malicious smile. Sai could see the wheels turning in his head, there was quite a few people Naruto was willing to test that mixture of Joker`s on: you can`t be the village demon and not have enemies. _~Kakashi-sensei has noticed. Fuck! ~_

'No Naruto. You are not allowed to test Smilex on the villagers back home…no matter how of how much you want them dead. I don`t think it`s worth the shit you`ll get for it.' the ink user said.

'Yeah, I did tell old man Hokage that I wouldn`t…great idea though.' Naruto mused, pocketing the can.

'What does this "Smilex" do anyways?' Sasuke asked, before taking a mouthful of rice. Joker laughed, and then ran back into the other room. The other occupants at the table looked at Naruto to explain.

'Joker made it years ago. It`s a type of toxic gas. If you breathe it in, you die laughing. Literally. There was this other Rouge who went by the name of "Scare-Crow" he made a gas, a fear toxin. It made you see what you feared, and there was a cure, but Batman had smashed it, thinking it was the toxin, not the actual cure.' He explained, Sasuke nodded, understanding.

Naruto then left the table, gathered his dolls, then walked up the stairs muttering to himself. Sai excused himself, grabbed his scroll, and ran after the doll-maker, he knew that look: Naruto-kun was going to make a doll and bring somebody to life.

- TBC -

Tobi: hi! Sorry for the short-ness, it`s just that there was a lot on my plate recently. I was on holiday, there was my uncle`s funeral (May his soul go to heaven. R.I.P) My cousin`s wedding (may she have a happy and long marriage) and then I failed my course in Art college and got kicked out, and am trying to get another place in a different art college…life pretty much kicks my arse all over the damn place! D8 uh, please review! They are the ONLY things that make me write more. And who shall be next on Naruto`s doll army? And anybody care for yaoi? Kyeheh…

(1) My college friend Mr Spoons (Liam) said that, and attempted to steal my Death Note when I was writing ideas in it. Kyeheh…

(2) In Batman: "The Dark Knight." A potato-peeler was found among Joker`s weaponry, also, I was stood at the bus-stop with my cousin after picking her up from school and she pulled 1 out of her bag…and a wooden spoon. Her friends had dumped them in the poor girl`s bag. XD

(3) Kakashi isn`t well-versed in the Art world, so he doesn`t know what drawing charcoal is.

(4) A random day-dream I had of Naruto doing this, but with sakura…ironically, I met 1 of my best friends by carrying a sakura head all around school. It scared the students and teachers when I showed up carrying a doll-head like a hand-bag…good times…


	10. Chapter 10

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

This entire fic was inspired by my little brother and reading a few Rozen Maiden mangas. ^_\)

Will remain T-rated until I feel like it.

This chapter was spurred on when I found my little brother`s Build-a-bear teddy…which was in a Batman costume…and I imagined Sasuke in Harley Quinn`s outfit…needless to say I was in hysterics for the entire day! XD

Chapter 9

Quit stalling!

Kakashi cleared his throat, snapping everybody out of their thoughts, before motioning to the door to Sasuke.

'Fine…I`ll…um, go.' The raven teen muttered, and then followed his team-mates` example. He found their room easily and knocked sharply on the door. Sai opened the door.

'Does Kakashi-sensei want us downstairs?' he asked, Sasuke shook his head. Smiling, Sai let him in and shut the door quietly.

'Kakashi-sensei sent me up for some reason, he literally just pointed at the stairs…' Sasuke told them, sitting on a futon. Ivy walked over to him and handed over a picture. Sasuke felt his face heat up, swiftly folding the picture and flung it as if it had a disease. Naruto caught it and looked at the picture, then at Sasuke`s red face and back again, then he laughed. (1)

'So cute…kehaha! We should make this, innit Sai?' Sai looked up and nodded absently, still flipping through a note-book.

'Who`s gonna be the newbie?' Joker asked, Naruto sat up and grinned toothily, causing the dolls to grin too.

'Scare-crow…and when we get back, Harley.' The doll-maker stated, making the dolls cheer happily. Sai smiled and picked up his skater bag. (Sai`s was a black and white stripes running across it, like a zebra…Naruto`s was black and orange chequered design, and it had a lot of badges.) Pulled out a sealing scroll and went back to his spot after throwing Naruto`s.

'Thanks! Now where`s that scroll…' he muttered after catching his bag and now rifling through it. And after a few minutes of searching, he pulled out a huge scroll and was just about to unroll it, and then there was a knock on the door.

'It`s Kakashi-sensei, let me in!' a muffled voice called, Deadpool ran to the door and managed to open it, Kakashi walked in, noticed the doll still hanging from the handle and pulled him off of the door-knob and handed him to Sai. (2)

'Naruto? Can you please not summon anymore dolls?' Kakashi asked the blonde, who shrugged in reply and finished sewing the ragged doll, Sai handed him a scroll. Kakashi sighed at being ignored and attempted to talk to Sasuke who was staring at some picture that he refused to show, he looked a little pink.

'Must you all ignore me?' queue more ignoring. With another sigh, Kakashi walked out and shut the door with a snap.

'Ball-sack! I forgot to bring the right fabric…' Naruto cursed, re-sealing the materials. Sasuke scrunched up the picture and threw it at Naruto`s head, before flopping ungracefully on his futon.

'So that plan will have to wait…who else can we make?' Sai suggested as Naruto carefully unfolded the picture, a grin forming on his face. He then unsealed the materials and pulled out a needle and thread, Sai sat next to him and passed him the sewing box. Joker sat up at seeing a flash of red and black, he and Ivy smiled happily as Deadpool shrugged and curled up on Sai`s pillow, he pulled a device from his pocket and began playing "When I Am Queen by Jack Off Jill".

A few hours later…

Naruto sealed the newly made away and smiled after stating that he needed a human sacrifice in exchange for the soul that will occupy the doll`s body, Sai put away his paints and put the doll weapons in the corner to dry.

'We need to get some sleep in case Kakashi-sensei springs us with training.' He stated and then began to change into a black vest and shorts, Naruto pulled on a pair of dark orange pyjama pants and Sasuke wore a white vest and blue pants. Sai pulled Deadpool off his pillow and put him on the end of his futon, Ivy created a huge rose and curled up in it, Joker laid at the foot of Naruto`s futon.

The next day…

Kakashi ran a hand through silver locks, it seemed that Naruto and Sai already know how to tree-climb and water-walking, so he`d spent the past few hours teaching Sasuke. And to be honest, that child was infuriating! He spent ages picking apart every single thing, and spoke about Naruto in the way some fan-girl would…it would be alright, but considering the way Naruto is…he would be classed…no, is a sociopath! And as soon as this mission is over, he is so taking him to Inochi Yamanka for a mental evaluation! (3)

And don`t get him started on those creepy-as-hell dolls that literally got a life and now the blonde is holed up somewhere making another doll right now!

'Sasuke-kun? Where is our resident doll-maker and his paint-box?' Kakashi sniped, Sasuke ignored the jab and shrugged in reply, and continued to practice his throwing skills.

'Like they would tell me…' he said, walking off to gather his kunai and shuriken, there was a few stray blades here and there.

Somewhere else…

'Sorry to interrupt, but have you seen a clown doll?' Sai asked the figure kneeling in the grass. The person looked up, Sai blinked and stared a little: a lavender and pale pink kimono, long brown hair and huge chocolate eyes that you could get lost in, and to top it off a basket full of plants. (4)

'No…sorry, ah, you are a shinobi, yes?' the other person asked.

'Uhm…yes. Uhh…sorry, but are you a faerie…or an elven princess? Because you are really pretty…sorry..' Sai rambled, making the stranger laugh a little.

'No…sorry, my name is Haku…and I`m collecting herbs for a friend…really should not have ditched that class and now I`m struggling.' Haku mumbled the last part, much to Sai`s amusement. The artist glanced around and knelt down next to Haku and offered to help.

'Thank-you…I need these plants.' Haku smiled and pointed out, Sai carefully pulled them out. After a while, Haku stood up.

'I need to be going…thank-you for the help shinobi-san.' The slightly older teen bowed and began to walk out of the clearing.

'Oh, by the way…I`m a boy.' He said turning around and smiled, only to blush heavily when Sai replied with a wolf-whistle and a sudden hug and grope.

'Even better.' He whispered, before running off, leaving a stunned Haku behind…Sai giggled at Haku`s reaction and stopped outside Tanzuna`s house, and casually walked in. (5)

Somewhere else…

'I have the medicine Zabuza-sama.' Haku smiled at his mentor, Zabuza lowered his book and grunted in reply. The lithe boy sighed softly and began to make the concoction to fix Zabuza up and attempted to keep the name-less shinobi`s actions out of his head and to keep those naughty thoughts at bay. (6)

Back at the client`s house…

'Sai…where did you mooch off to?' Naruto asked, Sai merely tapped the side of his nose and accepted a white rose from Ivy.

'Where`s Kakashi-sensei?'

'Thank-you Ivy, he`s training Sasuke…shall we go spar?

'Meh, might as well…Joker, Deadpool, Ivy, I trust that you will guard the client and his family?' Naruto asked, looking at the 3 dolls that saluted at him and went off with Sai to train, leaving the trio to guard the house.

'Sasuke-kun? Have you got that technique down yet?' Kakashi asked, peering over his porn, the boy in question waved from his perch high up in the trees and leapt down to Kakashi`s branch and ignored the scolding he got. ('You idiot! What the hell was you thinking? Wait, you WASN`T!') (7)

'Kakashi-sensei, if I knew you would overreact like this, I wouldn`t have left the bloody tree.' Sasuke dead-panned, walking past his still-spazzing teacher and popped some chewing gum in his mouth. (Ivy gave him some petals to chew on and they was surprisingly tasty) giving the look of an obnoxious emo teen. Kakashi felt like slapping the kid.

'What? It`s true.' Sasuke stated, popping a pink bubble, and promptly ducked, as a scroll nearly became best friends with his face. He blinked as the silver-haired jounin stormed off, a:

'You better learn these or else!' thrown over the shoulder, Sasuke opened the scroll only to find at least 20 C to B-rank justu, he will deny ever making a squeal of joy at the amount_. ~I better get to work! If I ever want to be on par with Sai and Naruto! ~_ He thought with a determined look in his eyes.

Somewhere else…

'Dude! Why the fuck, did you sic a load of fucking hell-hounds on me? What did I do to piss you off so badly, and you better fuckin teach me it too!' Sai yelled at the blonde at the other side of the clearing, which was burned, soaked, splattered with ink, have random bones complete with micro-craters. Naruto and Sai were a little better off: they were only singed, a bit wet and little bloody cuts, nothing remotely serious.

'Sorry! I`ll teach you Oni-Inu-no-justu for payment!' Naruto yelled back, grabbing their bags and running towards Sai. He pulled out a scroll and sat down with the ravenette (8) they started flicking through it, with Marilyn Manson`s "Disposable Teens" playing full blast. After a while, they packed their things and continued to study some scrolls and a book or 2.

A few hours later…

Sasuke stumbled into their clearing and collapsed a foot from Naruto, who pulled him closer to his person and poked him.

'You okay down there?' Naruto asked, Sai put down his scroll and began checking if Sasuke was alive or not.

'Chakra exhaustion, we should be getting back, I feel like I could black out…' Sai said, before just doing that, luckily he was sat down when he conked out. Naruto did a familiar hand-seal and 2 clones popped into existence, he sent his team-mates back to the house, whilst he picked up stray weapons.

-T.B.C-

Tobi: sorry it was soooo late! *Dives behind a wall to avoid flying projectiles* I fucked up in college and now I`ve been trying to fix the mess I made without getting thrown out in the process, and talked myself out of suicide, stayed at a friend`s house and laughed at the mould growing on his carpet, got in trouble, tried not to consider overdosing, been stuck in a room with a bunch of people whose ego is so damn big you could fucking choke on it, nearly killed them! Got ill and only just recovered! Fucking hell…my life is 1 big shit-tip…so…how was your day?

(1) The mental image I saw!

(2) I was watching "Toy Story" and had a brain-wave.

(3) I can imagine Kakashi thinking that!

(4) Sorry, I kind of made Sai a bit bold…well, he IS Naruto`s best friend…

(5) HAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! XD

(6) A bit of Sai/Haku going on there…I have no idea what to do with this…

(7) Kakashi`s mother-hen moment. If this goes out good, I could do more, or some outtakes or summat like that.

(8) Is that even a word? What is this, I don`t even…


	11. Chapter 11

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

This entire fic was inspired by my little brother and reading a few Rozen Maiden mangas. ^_\)

Will remain T-rated until I feel like it.

To all my awesome reviewers! You are fucking legends! No lie, I was in very dark place, and then I saw my inbox…I`d hug you all, but it`s not possible…unless you live in the U.K somewhere…XD so I`m just gonna cuddle my phone, Cheshire cat and computer instead. Have fun reading!

Chapter 10!

Uh, did I say that out loud?

'#I don`t wanna live, I don`t wanna breathe, unless I feel you next to me!…#…fire-style: ring of fire!' Sasuke sang as he ran through hand-seals and blasted a huge wall of fire out. (1) A few moments later, he stopped blasting fire and examined the now charcoaled clearing. He ignored the I-am-being-watched! Feeling and dismissed it as Kakashi-sensei watching him train.

'I should be able to do 1 more jutsu, before going back to the house…nah, I gotta get back now.' Sasuke muttered to himself, and began gathering his things.

Naruto shifted slightly on the branch he was sat on, before jumping away just in time as Sasuke turned around only to see an empty tree. The raven teen shrugged and carried on his business.

Somewhere else…

'Zabuza-sama…are you sure about this? Do you want to go up against those…those, those _things_! Please see reason!' Haku cried, trying to make his father/brother-figure/mentor to leave Wave with their lives intact. Zabuza glared at the effeminate teen, before relenting. (Haku had been begging/nagging for up to 3 days now.) He dodged a hail of senbon.

'Haku…' Zabuza murmured, but Haku had already worked himself into a state of hysteria.

'Y-you was b-beaten so badly! And-and if anything happened to you, I`d don`t know what I`d do! You`re my Dad! My big-brother! My best friend! If you d-d-died I-I- Uwaaahh!' he wailed, throwing himself at Zabuza. Zabuza awkwardly hugged the hysterical teen, not knowing what to do, thankfully, the sobs died down to soft hiccups.

'…Okay, you win…we`ll get the hell outta here, okay kiddo?' he asked, Haku nodded and buried his face into the swordsman`s chest. After a few minutes of silence, Zabuza peeled him off his chest only to find that he had cried himself to sleep. (2)

'Fucking kid`s got me wrapped around his little finger…he`s right though…that pudgy little bastard Gato will have us killed off or some shit like that.' he grumbled and carried Haku to his bed, tucked him in, and wiped his tears before lying on his own bed. Zabuza drifted off an hour and a ½ afterwards.

The next morning…

'Hey! Boss`s man-slave! Get up! Get up! Kyehahahaha!' Joker cackled, as Sasuke sat up and glared at the doll that had been poking him with a stick. Joker hid the stick behind himself.

'Ooh! If looks could kill!' Sai commented as Sasuke scowled and grabbed his wash-bag and a fresh set of clothes.

'See-ya downstairs…Man-Slave!' Sai mocked, grabbing Joker and ran out of the room, narrowly avoiding several kunai and a shuriken. Sasuke scowl deepened as he stomped over to the bathroom.

'Hi everybody!' Sai grinned, as he put Joker on the floor and sat at the table, Kakashi gave a lazy "Yo." Before he returned to his book, Naruto smiled and continued sewing. Soon, Sasuke joined his team-mates, still scowling and sat next to Naruto.

'I don`t think Zabuza is dead, so boys, after we`ve eaten this lovely meal that Tsunami-san has cooked for us. We`ll start training again…sound good? Okay!' and after that declaration, Kakashi sat back down to eat.

'What`s up Sasuke-chan?' Naruto asked in barely a whisper, the raven shinobi, Sasuke shook his head and ate a spoon-full of soup, the scarred blonde rolled his eyes and began eating.

Kakashi finished and took his bowl to the kitchen to wash. Sasuke, Naruto and Sai followed suit, after the bowls, chop-sticks and cups was washed and dried, team 7 and Tanzuna trooped out of the house to the construction site.

'Ivy, can you and the boys watch the house okay?' Naruto asked, said doll nodded and walked back inside. Kakashi smiled: so what if those dolls are creepy, they are so damn _useful_, no need for shadow clones, there are 3 living dead dolls on guard!

'So what are gonna be doing Kakashi-sensei?' Sai asked, toying with a black rose. Naruto pulled out the material he was working on earlier and held it up to examine his work.

'Are you making another doll? And who is it?' Kakashi asked, momentarily distracted by the red and black cloth, they stopped at the site, Sai blinked before grinning.

'Lemme guess! You`re making Harley Quinn, aren`t you? Uh…doesn`t it need some form of ritual?' he asked, Naruto nodded and Sasuke stared at the blonde in surprise. _~Ritual? What does Naruto-sama even mean? ~_

'Yes I am, and it requires a living sacrifice…a life for a life…a soul for a soul. I`m sure that we find somebody to…_volunteer_ for it.' Naruto smiled coldly.

'After all…we are hired killers, yes? I`m sure Gato`s lot would do quite nicely. What? Did you think I used something else?' he asked his horrified sensei.

'Um, Naruto-kun…did you just say that you sacrifice human souls in exchange for a doll?' Sasuke asked, a little shocked at how Naruto seemed uncaring and how Sai behaved as if he was used to it. The blonde nodded, his scars stretching as he grinned in reply.

'Yes, it`s bout…20 souls per doll, uh…it`s a pretty reasonable bargain…the Shinigami usually charge up to 40, 90 if they feel like it. And the souls I receive in return are legit.' Naruto shrugged, stretching and accidentally flashed his seal. Kakashi stared at the seal: it looked like it was outlined in reddish orange. _~Is the seal…messed up? No…looks reinforced or something…ah, never mind, I`ll just report this to the Hokage. Along with the dolls. ~_ The silver-haired Jounin mused and smiled at his team.

'I`ll help you gather materials if you want, Naruto-kun, in my estate, there is a house filled to the brim with all sorts of things.' Sasuke offered, Naruto beamed at the raven and pulled a bit of folded paper out of his pocket and handed it to him.

'Can you sew, Sasuke-chan?'

'Yes…I make my own clothes. Naruto-kun.'

'Awesome, here are some designs…what materials should be used for this weapon and uniform?'

'Anything Shinobi-proof, I mean, how many battles d`you reckon we`ll get caught in?'

'True…Sai, any ideas?'

'We could put storage seals on them, or incorporate chakra techniques.' Sai smiled and pulled out a drawing pad and some pencils, he then began to sketch out ideas with Naruto adding bits here and there.

'This doll thing sounds like a blood-line to me Naruto-kun…something you`re not telling us?' Kakashi interjected, Naruto`s sinister smile returned full force. The silver jounin took a step towards the blonde. Sasuke and Sai sat down and watched the 2 shinobi stare each-other down.

'You can say that…Kyuu-sama gave me a little something…' Naruto drawled with a grin.

'Like what? Please tell us Naruto…for the sake of the village.' Kakashi practically pleaded, the blonde shinobi grinned, his scars stretching horribly.

'Wait, who`s this "Kyuu-sama"? Tell me Naruto!' Sasuke pleaded. Sai smiled and began drawing something else on a different piece of paper. Naruto smile widened as Kakashi made a clone and sent it off with Tanzuna.

'The Kyuubi no Kitsune, of course...the demon wasn`t killed, you can`t kill such a creature...so the 4th Hokage sealed it in a baby, I happened to have been born that day, so I was chosen, since both of my parents were killed in the attack.' He said, like it was no big deal…it really wasn`t, he`s had years to deal with the sociopathic fuzz-ball.

'What?!' Sasuke cried out, and then enveloped Naruto in a hug. Sai shrugged and joined in the hugging of Naruto Uzumaki.

'You musn`t ever speak of this, cuz it`s kind of illegal to talk bout it.' Naruto stated, putting his own arms around his team-mates.

'Like hell I will!' Sasuke said, and buried his face in the blonde`s neck, and only just resisting to either turn into goo –that his Naruto-kun, or should it be sama now? - was hugging back! -Or to try and kiss him and see what happens. (3)

'Do you even have to ask? Silly little brother...' Sai told him flatly, Kakashi sighed, and gestured for Naruto to continue the explanation.

'When I was seven, I got these scars...different story, different day...well, as I was bleeding to death in a gutter, the Kyuubi saw me about to die of blood-loss, so he said to me "do you wanna die kid?" I obviously said no. And he said to me "I`ll teach you, with only 1 condition: I wanna to watch the world burn..." and who am I to refuse such a request? So, here I am.' Naruto smiled, holding Sasuke tighter to his person and the raven practically melted! Kakashi pointedly ignored Naruto gripping the younger boy`s lower back, but then cleared his throat when Sai put Naruto`s hands on Sasuke`s arse and his own. (4)

'Okay boys! Let go of each other and start training! You all have scrolls! Now work on `em!' he said, when they didn`t move, he had to physically pry them off each-other.

An hour passes...

Naruto began to sew more parts for his newest doll, Sai began a new painting and Sasuke took a break from tree-walking.

'I`m going to check on the client...you 3 behave, alright?' and with that said, Kakashi walked off to the bridge nearby. As soon as Kakashi`s foot-steps had faded, Naruto stretched his fingers, as he and Sai flopped onto their backs and began watching clouds and birds pass by.

'Um...Naruto-kun? Sai-kun? What are you doing? Kakashi-sensei said we should train...' Sasuke said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

'We should, but take a break, yeah?' Sai intoned, scratching his pale stomach. Naruto suddenly sat up, grabbed Sasuke around the middle and dragged him down. Said raven blinked as the blonde demon child wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his head on Sasuke`s stomach. (5)

'Hey guys, found this really fit bloke the other day, looked just like a girl, I have an urge to look for him...should I? I think he`s a ninja like us, but I don`t know which village he`s from either.' Sai sighed. (XD) Sasuke hmm`ed.

'D`you wanna look for him or summat?' Naruto asked, tickling Sasuke with the vibrations from his voice and breathing. a predatory grin stretched across his face, and he trailed his clawed fingers down Sasuke`s side, making him squeak.

'Yeah, might have to send out a clone or summat like that.' Sasuke giggled, when the blonde on top of him pushed his shirt up and began blowing on his bare stomach, he began squealing and laughing like a child. Sai pulled out his camera and began taking photos, and promptly kicked himself for not taking a photo of Haku when he had the chance.

'Kesesese! You 2 look pretty damn hot if I say so myself!' Sai snickered, Naruto paused and looked up at the taller raven, giving Sasuke a chance to get his breath back, then looked at the suggestive position that they are in: shirts pulled up, messy hair, Sasuke`s flushed face and gasping for breath and his legs around Naruto`s waist.

'Heh, jealous Sai?' Naruto grinned up at him: Sai snapped another picture and sat down as Naruto got off Sasuke.

'Maaybe...really wanna see Haku now...' Sai muttered, Sasuke sat up and smirked and Naruto pulled Sai closer via the foot. (A/N: he grabbed his ankle and dragged him closer...I sometimes do that to people...XD)

'Oh! "Haku"? now we have a name to this mysterious person who stole our beloved Sai`s heart!' Sasuke declared, making the older raven blush and shove him play-fully. Naruto smiled, already formulating plans to capture this "Haku" person, and to possibly smuggle him into Konoha. (6)

'So...what does he look like? In case we run into him, or passing through his turf.' He asked, pulling Sasuke into his lap. (Who blushed so hard Sai thought he would pass out. And invent a new shade of red.)

'Uh...long brown hair, big brown eyes, he was, um...wearing a pink kimono and carrying a basket of herbs...he looked around 14-ish why?' Sai asked, eyes narrowing at the almost maniacal glint in his blonde team-mates`s eyes.

'Yeah, why does it matter anyways?' Sasuke asked, looking up at him. Naruto shrugged, his grin starting to fade. Sasuke frowned and curled into the blonde`s chest, inwardly squee-ing over the rock hard muscles.

'Because I was thinking bout trying to get him in with us...and if we can pull that off, he can stay in the flats with us.' Naruto explained, pulling the lithe raven closer and resting his chin on Sasuke`s head.

'Really? You would do that?' Sai asked, now sitting back-to-back with him, Naruto nodded, and leaned against the older teen, and the younger curled up in his lap.

A few days later...

'Now all I need is the souls...you okay Joker? You look a little...off.' Naruto asked, picking up the doll and sat down on the wooden floor-boards.

'How Harley might react to me...I didn`t even _treat_ her right...she cared so much for me...I dunno.' The doll whined, as his master carded clawed hand through his cotton-like hair. Joker paused, and made a noise that sounded a cross between a purr and hum. Naruto gave a slightly sinister chuckle.

'you`ll be fine...she`s had a millennia to get over what you did...water under the bridge and all that shite...know what I mean?'

'Yeah, fox-boss...I think I`ve mooed enough. Where is your little sacrificial lamb...or cow...whatever it called these days.' Joker waved his hands around and ignored his master`s odd laugh, and leaned against him.

'Hmm, the ritual takes...literally 25 minutes to do, to find and bind a sacrifice takes roughly ½ an hour to do, and to transfer the soul takes 10...so we need to find the "sacrificial lamb" as you called it, before night-fall, and we need a place to do the ritual. Can you and Ivy go look please?' Naruto asked, hugging Joker close to him. _~Like a mother would do to her child. ~_ Joker mused.

'Sure thing fox-boss, I`ll round `em up and bring `em here for instructions!' Joker smiled, Naruto nodded his consent and let him go.

'But whom to kill though...' he muttered to the wind. _~Decisions, decisions...~_

A few hours later...

'Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present: Harley Quinn!' Naruto grinned, looking a little drained, since he had decided to use a couple of thugs –which was a pain to not injure them, since he was so used to killing them, no questions asked- in exchange, in hopes of keeping the shinigami sweet and on his side.

'Hey guys! Omigosh! Ivy! I`ve missed you sooo much! And hi, what`s your name?' Harley gushed, waving her tiny arms around. Dead-pool and Ivy grin.

'Yo! I`m Dead-pool, the awesome-looking blonde, is our master! The tall raven dude is Sai! Who is a wicked, artist by the way...the other raven is Sasuke, who can breathe fire! The guy with shiny silver hair is Kakashi-sensei! He can shoot out lightning from his hands!' Dead-pool chattered, and Harley chattered back and so-forth.

'Hey, Harley? You`ll never guess who`s also here with us...he`s at the house though.' Ivy grinned as the other girl paused, and suddenly seized her by the shoulders and began to demand answers.

'What?! Who? Who? It ain`t Batsy is it? No? Scare-crow? Riddler? Pengy? Freeze? Robin? Bat-girl? Who`s it? Tell meeee!' Harley whined as they stopped outside the house.

'It`s a surprise...now close your eyes...close them!' Ivy demanded, the clown reluctantly covered her eyes. As soon as Dead-pool nodded, Sai opened the door and pushed them all inside. Ivy uncovered Harley`s eyes.

'Huh? I don`t see nuthin, what kinda girl do you...' Harley trailed off, seeing Joker for the 1st time in centuries. Joker felt like crying, was...was that Harley? His sweet, pretty, crazy, Harley? It was!

'M-mister J?' she gasped, at his hesitant nod, she suddenly ran up to him and glomped him. As the others milled around, the 2 clowns finally let go after showering each-other with hugs and kisses and broken promises.

'I missed you so, so freaking much, Harl…I`m really sorry for treatin` you bad...what kinda boy-friend was I? How could I not notice my chaos queen? I bashed myself _so_ much...hey, guess what? I killed the Bat-man...' Joker smiled.

'Ya what?! No freakin` way! Really? I`m your queen? I forgave ya years ago...' Harley smiled, kissing him again. The rest of the day was spent, with Ivy, Joker and Harley catching up. Dead-pool walked over.

'Hey...can I chill with you guys? Cuz lord Naruto is _busy_ with his man-slave...and Sai went off looking for his Haku...or summat like that.' He said, placing a massive hammer/mallet on the floor beside him.

'Oh, yeah...so I heard you use a big-arse hammer, to smash the ever-living crap outta whoever pisses you off! This is reinforced with titanium...and I got you it!' Dead-pool smiled, handing the aforementioned hammer with little difficulty. Harley gave an ear-splitting squeal, and tackled him into a hug.

'Thank-you sooo much! Wow! This looks _amazing!_ I can`t _wait_ to test it out!' Harley giggled, hefting it up and letting it slam against the forest floor and leaving a small crater. After a while, Dead-pool pressed a small red button at the end of the handle, which then shrank the hammer to size of a regular mallet.

A few hours pass, and the quartet -Ivy joined them sometime after Dead-pool gave Harley the hammer- are sprawled outside the clients` house, when Sai shows up, pulling a very effeminate boy clad in a pale pink kimono along-side with him. Harley shot up, pulling out her mallet and re-sizing it to "fun-sized".

'Wait Harley! This is Haku…he`s gonna be coming home with us…his…dad, said as long as we keep him safe with us, he`s okay with it.' Sai explained, Harley put the hammer away and walked up to them, soon followed by the others. Haku relaxed ever-so-slightly, he remembered Zabuza`s epic escape.

'Fox-boss is nowhere to be freakin` seen…he`s prolly…uh, _playing _with his pet…' Joker snarked, Dead-pool and Harley cackled as Ivy turned to Haku with a smile. Haku gave an unsure smile back at the plant-doll.

'Good afternoon, ladies and gents…and hello! Haku, was it? Nice to…finally meet you at last. I`m Naruto Uzumaki…the demon scourge of Konoha.' Naruto grinned, pulling a very ruffled and slightly limping Sasuke with him. (7)

'Likewise, Uzumaki-san…Ivy-san, Dead-pool-san, Joker-san, Harley-san.' Haku bowed respectively, Harley and Ivy giggled.

'No need to be so polite! We don`t mind what you call us, to be honest! We`ve been called worse, trust me!' Dead-pool laughed, Sai hummed in agreement and pulled Haku closer and wrapped an arm around his waist.

'Hi, I`m Sasuke Uchiha. Nice to meet you.' Sasuke smiled up at the older brunette and began to put himself in order, only for Naruto to pull his hands away from his hair and put his (Naruto`s) hands in his pockets along with his own, effectively trapping him.

'Now that we all know each-other…shall we go find somewhere to sit?' he asked, already walking to where the others was sitting before Sai and Haku showed up, he sat and pulled Sasuke down onto his lap. Joker sat on his left, Harley on Joker`s right, whilst Sai sat at Naruto`s right and Haku was sat Sai`s left, Dead-pool at his right and Ivy sat at Wade`s left.

'I wonder how Gato will fare when he realises that Zabuza-sama and I bailed on him…' Haku pondered out loud, making the others laugh at what they thought his reaction would be.

'We still gotta kill the fucker, right?'

'Yes…'

'Yeah man!'

'Sit back down Dead-pool…you too Joker.'

'Okay fox-boss.'

'Kay then, master.'

A day later…

'If worst comes to worst, we`re gonna massacre them…okay boys and girls?' Naruto smiled, his scars stretching widely as the 5 shinobi plus 4 dolls and a Tanzuna walked to the bridge. The very few builders there, lay dead or dying in pools of their own blood.

'Well, if the killers are still here…you have my permission to do so.' Tanzuna stated, still in shock…Kakashi sighed and looked at his group. Sai shrugged and escorted Tanzuna back to his house. As soon as Sai and Tanzuna vanished, Gato and his merry band of mercenaries showed up.

'Great…get ready.' Kakashi sighed, and pulled out a few kunai. After Gato had finished bragging and whatever fat business men do, the shinobi (and dolls) set to work, a full out over-kill.

'I want a raise for this! A fucking raise!' Kakashi bellowed, beheading yet another mercenary. Dead-pool cackled, as he and Joker blasted the legs off a few more with a makeshift cannon.

'I`ll tell the old man that, is that okay sensei?!' Naruto shouted back as he pulled apart his assailant, literally tearing him limb from limb and showering the people closest to him with gore.

'Whoa! Look at Naruto go!' Sai laughed, slashing at the thugs with a dagger he had stolen from a recent victim. Ivy and Haku just stood at the side-lines, not wanting to get their clothes dirty and cheering for their team-mates.

'Take this! Ya turd-fish!' Harley yelled, smashing thugs left, right and centre with her hammer. They stood no chance, the remaining thugs and mercenaries realised that a bit _too_ late, so they _tried_ to run. Key-word on tried.

'OFF WITH HIS HEAD!' Joker shrieked as Dead-pool sliced off a mercenary`s head, before smashing another man`s face in. after a while, there was only 1 left…and Gato. Kakashi decided that he would go kill the leftovers.

'Get him! Get hi-gurkk!' the rest of Gato`s rant was ended due to the copy-nin slitting his throat and he left the fat tyrant to drown in his own blood, possibly bleed out too. The silver scare-crow looked at his blood-soaked team.

'Ffuu! Right, children…let`s get the hell outta here!' he declared, and cleaned the whole area with a well-placed suiton jutsu, then walked/staggered off. Sai and Naruto looked at each-other, and picked up Joker, Harley and Dead-pool.

'Have fun, Sasuke-chan? I know I did…' Naruto smiled at Sasuke after helping him up off the floor. The raven blushed madly and looked the other way, Joker and Harley snickered from Sai`s arms as the older teen walked off to Haku who was now holding Ivy close.

'Aww! Boss and Sasuke are just like us Mista J!' Harley crowed, Joker grinned and pecked her on the cheek. Sai hummed in reply.

'Yes…the resemblance is very uncanny…but I think that Sasuke`s infatuation with Master has been there since the beginning, not a few months like how yours started out.' Ivy stated, Harley giggled. Sai and Haku just looked confused at the dolls` conversation.

'We used to be just like Fox-Boss and his pet…but I was in Arkham, and Harley was my shrink…' Joker trailed, getting lost in his memories. Ivy laughed as Harley reached over and patted her boy-friend/partner-in-crime`s head playfully. Ivy put a lotus flower in Haku`s hair when he wasn`t looking. The shinobi sighed tiredly and began to trudge back to Tazuna`s house.

A few hours later…

'Take care guys! Don`t forget us!' Inari cried to the shinobis` retreating backs.

- T.B.C -

Sorry for the late-ness! My big brother sent my computer to be fixed, put more memory on it and I nearly shat a brick when I found out and thought: MY PRECIOUS! And then the fecking screen wasn`t working, and now everything is starting to back to normal-ish-kinda, thanks for all the reviews! I feel so awesome! *falls off chair* I also blame the Avengers...Thor x Loki Bruce x Clint and Steve x Tony...Jashin-damnit!

Btw: it will now be a NaruSasu, and whatever other pairings I can think up...

After the Chunnin exams, I`ll have to make it up as I go along since I haven`t read the manga or watched the anime in roughly 4-5 years...fudge a duck...

Whoa! I am loving all of these awesome reviews I`m getting!

I squealed –yes, me…squealing…- at all the reviews and following, and the faves…*Cheshire grin* Kesesesesese! ^_\)

(1) Yep…"Finding Nemo" and "Comatose" by Skillet.

(2) Ever done that? No? Me neither.

(3) He`s like, Naruto`s biggest fan-boy…I kinda gave him Harley-Quinn`s mind-set…it seemed like a good idea at the time.  
(4) 1 of my guy friends tends to do that…a lot.  
(5) I do that sometimes…or family/friends do that to me.  
(6) Obviously Naruto has no problem kid-napping poor Haku in order to make his "Big Brother Sai" happy…d`aaww…  
(7) A very kind reviewer by the name of "omniamalgam" gave me the heads-up on the "No M-rated fics" crap that`s been going around, so…I`ll have to let you think up what happened there. XD


	12. Chapter 12

Warning:

Horror. Blood gore. Swearing. Crossover. AU.

Humour. Multiple deaths. Supernatural. Stupidity.

Random-ness. Insane/sadistic/smart/demonic Naruto.

I don`t own Naruto…or the Joker, but I do own the plot.

_~Thinking. ~_ 'Speaking.' **'Demons speaking.'**

'Dolls speaking.**'**

This entire fic was inspired by my little brother and reading a few Rozen Maiden mangas. ^_\)

Will remain T-rated until I feel like it…or until the readers want summat dirty…XD kesesesesese! I just double-checked their ages, and apparently

Naruto is 3 years OLDER than Sasuke! Well, that makes things a tad bit awkward now…fudge a duck!

Sorry for the wait, a LOT of shit happened and my Granddad is on his death-bed, family politics, and a whole shit-ton of crap that I`m not even gonna touch with a 100-foot pole…so, in my way of making it up, I wrote a fuck-load more!

Sorry if you don`t understand some of the phrases/words that I use…I`m British…specifically, Yorkshire, so if anybody doesn`t understand, feel free to ask!

Uhm, here are the pairings:

NaruSasu. Joker-Harley. Sai-Haku.

Chapter 11

Fiddle with the volume!

Harley Quinn and her love, the Joker was sat on the roof-top watching the sunset. Haku smiled at them and called them in, Ivy in his arms and Dead-pool asleep on the sofa. He carefully put Ivy on the faded orange sofa and sat next to her, Harley and Joker now by his feet and playing quietly.

'Even though we`re dolls…d`you reckon what our rights will be like?' Harley asked her fellow dolls, Ivy sat up and peered over the edge at the clown duo.

'that`s a good question, we don`t eat or drink…we only sleep to Recharge, hmm…I think we`ll be considered sentient puppets or something.' She said, shrugging her shoulder and flopping into Haku`s side.

'Naruto and Sai should be coming back anytime soon now…' Haku muttered, pulling out his favourite book: "Roahl Dahl - The Twits."

'Can ya read to us? Cuz I think you have a wicked voice…' Dead-pool yawned, sitting up and watching the others intently. _~does he even have a face under that mask? ~_ Haku pondered as he began reading.

1 hour later…

'Good-night you 4…sweet dreams.' Haku smiled softly, pulling a blanket over them and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Sai had to smile at the sight: Haku was asleep, with Joker and Harley tucked into his left side, Dead-pool and Ivy on his right.

'So cute…I knew I made the right choice by picking you…' Sai whispered as he took a few photos of the sleeping group, he then sat on the floor and began to draw. It was after a few hours when Naruto walked in with Sasuke in tow.

'Hey guys…' the scarred blonde greeted him and hugged the older teen. Sai and Sasuke waved at each-other, Naruto pulled Sasuke into his room and quietly shut the door so that the dolls and Haku stayed asleep. Sai took another photo and went to his own room.

15 minutes later…

'Wonder what those 2 are doing in there…' Sai mused, and then pressed his ear to the wall…and promptly snickered at the sound of Sasuke whining.

'Those noises are not helping at all!' he complained and threw himself back on his mattress, the noises faded when a sound barrier went up. (1)

*knock, knock*

'Come in…' Haku let himself in as soon as Sai finished that sentence. The taller brunette shut the door and began fiddling with the hem of his kimono.

'Uhm…you okay Haku-sempai? Can`t sleep?' Sai asked, sitting up properly and gestured for him to sit next to him. Haku shook his head and sat cross-legged on the mattress, rubbing his eyes. Sai crawled over to him.

'No, I miss Zabuza-Sama…I do hope we can meet again.' He sighed softly, Sai leaned over and pulled him into a hug. _~how do you do this again? ~_

'Sorry, I`m a bit shit at comforting…but Ivy said that if you shower a bud with love, it turns into the most beautiful flower you could ever see.' Sai explained, making Haku give a small grin.

'See? It`s already blooming! Haku you are the most beautiful flower…but I must keep an eye of for those dangerous poison-tipped thorns.' And at those words, Haku blushed and dipped his head. Sai gently caught hold of the other`s chin and pressed a soft kiss on his lips, Haku wrapped his arms around the raven`s neck and found himself under Sai… (2)

The next day…

Sasuke walked out of Naruto`s room wearing a faded orange shirt and his blue boxers, Haku walked out of Sai`s room wearing a grey shirt that had a picture of a zombie on it and his lilac boxers.

'Morning…' was the simple greeting, before the duo started making tea and toast. Sasuke pulled Dead-pool out of the sink and put him on the sofa along with the other dolls.

'Love you Spidey…' Dead-pool muttered and hugged Ivy`s leg, Harley woke up, got up off the floor and crawled back on the sofa and cuddled Joker who sleepily pulled her close.

'Are they alive or is it some type of animation jutsu?' Haku suddenly asked as he sat at the table and put a plate of toast down, Sasuke grabbed the pot of tea and joined him at the table.

'Naruto-sama told me that he did some form of illegal jutsu to summon souls and he placed them into the dolls…apparently there was supposed to be 6 more, but they didn`t want to be given a 2nd chance at life or something.' He explained to the hunter-nin, and smiled at the shocked face.

'Naruto-sama is also half-demon…which explains a lot…and he is amazing! I`m so glad I was put on this team to be honest, I thought that life was all about avenging my clan…but then Sai-sempai (3) and Naruto-sama got me out of my shell and helped me move on.' Sasuke continued as then drank his still-hot tea.

'I`m very glad to have been taken in by you guys…I`d probably be 6 feet under if we had went along with Gato, and we`d probably have ended up killing each other.' Haku stated, Sasuke blinked and leaned forward a small smile on his face.

'Well, I`m glad that never happened, I`d imagine life to be very unpleasant in the long run.'

'Indeed…when do Sai-kun and Naruto-kun wake up?'

'No idea…1st time sleeping over. It`s only 5 am…whoa, that early?'

'We should go back to bed…to rest and get up at a better time.'

'Good idea Haku!' Sasuke smiled and walked back into Naruto`s room as the older brunette walked into Sai`s.

…..

Tobi: um, to those who wanted to know why Sasuke went from moody avenger, into Naruto`s pet…I wrote it up…hopefully it`ll make sense…hopefully…it did in my head though, I had to take a shit-load of pervy bits out …XD

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

{{{FLASH-BACK-NO-JUTSU}}}}}

(Sasuke-pet)

'Hey, Sasuke…wanna spar? Or at least talk to me…we`re on a team.' Naruto said, fiddling with a piece of razor. Joker ran up to him and gave him a mirror shard, grinning happily when his master pocketed it so the doll ran off.

'No, leave me alone…I don`t need you.'

'I think you do…I mean, you look like you need a plan…am I right? Thanks for the rat poison, Joker…'

'Ya welcome boss… Be right back! there`s a skeleton of a little girl with my name on it!' and Joker had ran off to who-knows-where.

'Rat poison? Skeleton?' Sasuke asked taken aback a little. Naruto smiled and walked over to him and showed off the little bottle.

'See this little bottle? It has poison in it…and like hate. It kills. So I wanna have you put your little poison in a little bottle, and throw it…away! But it`ll be more effective if throw the bottle at your enemies…' the blonde smiled and shoved the bottle in his pocket.

'You make no sense at all.' Sasuke glared and walked off. Naruto sighed, picked up Joker and followed him, Joker giggling at the poison "joke".

For the next few weeks, Naruto was still not deterred into making Sasuke like him. In-between missions –or glorified chores as Sai would state- he was persistent and slowly wore the younger ninja down.

'c`mon…let`s get drunk, or something…I`m getting bored of you refusing me! And I really wanted another friend too…' Naruto pouted, pulling on Sasuke`s arm. Sai raised his eyebrows at the blonde, and cracked open a can of beer.

'Naruto! I really need to go train! I have to get stronger so I can kill Itachi!' Sasuke finally snapped, pink-faced and stormed off. Naruto huffed and skulked over and put his bag on the lush grass next to the alcoholic artist.

'You almost had him…want a beer and then continue your efforts?' Sai smiled, pulling the blonde to sit down with him in the shade of a large tree.

'Thanks, how do I make him like me? Help me please?' Naruto looked at Sai hopefully, only to growl when the raven shook his head. Joker climbed up on Naruto`s lap and grabbed the scarred cheeks to get his attention.

'Don`t plan what you wanna do, just do what you want! Although…you could always brain-wash him or something…' Joker trailed, looking thoughtful. Naruto cackled as an idea hit him, hugged Joker and Sai close then promptly let go and began to plot…

'Ivy? How did you make that elixir that makes people become your slaves, so to speak.' Naruto asked out-of-the-blue a few days later, Ivy looked up from the plant she was coaxing to grow to extreme size and smiled.

'Hmm…it was in the seeds of the Amortentia (4) flower…I used to grind them down into a paste, and add sunflower pollen- do you want me to write it down for you?'

'yes please…' her master gave a Cheshire-cat smile and gave her a note-pad along with a pen, as she jotted it down, Naruto`s smile got wider when she handed it to him.

'Do we even have most of these?' he mused, his smile fading a little, Ivy looked around: cataloguing the plants and idly remembering that Sai and Joker haven`t returned from their turn to do the weekly shopping. She smiled as Naruto walked around the apartment turned green-house, gently pulling leaves and petals from various plants.

'All but 3 ingredients…' she sighed out. Naruto hummed, looking around.

'Well…we`ll just have to improvise then, anything to be used as a substitute?' he asked, picking up a knife.

'Yes…but the effects won`t be the same…it`ll react differently on how you want the specimen to behave.' Was the simple reply, Naruto picked up a bowl and gently shook a flower`s pollen into the bowl, and repeated the process with another.

'Like what kind of effects?'

'It depends…if you use Nabu leaves instead of tyskilin root, it makes the taster dependent to the maker. And if you substitute linchin pods with vanilla pods, the taster will amplify any attraction to the maker by 30%...also, you substitute acronion juice with rapeseed oil you get a kind of slave-like behaviour…add all those factors together, and you get somebody who will be just like Harley used to be: obsessive and in a state of twisted sociopathic-esque love…why do you want to know this? If you don`t mind me asking?' questioned the doll-plant.

'I want a pet…a certain type of pet that will be desperately in love with me.' The smile on her master`s face was downright terrifying, Ivy had an inkling of who her master was pursuing and sighed inwardly. _~if only he had agreed to become Master`s friend…this all would be avoided. Sai never needed persuading…he told me so, and so did master! ~_

Naruto sat back and grinned happily: after spending the better part of a month, the potion was complete…now for the final result.

'Hey Sasuke-kun! I got you a drink, you do like cloudy lemonade, right?' Naruto asked, holding a bottle up. Sasuke looked up from his position on the floor and sat up properly. Doing exercises in the boiling hot sun for hours tends to leave you exhausted, he took the opened bottle and put it to his lips.

'Never tried it…thanks.' Naruto watched the teen drain ¾ of the bottle, and as soon as Sasuke stopped and panted for breath, he snatched the bottle off him.

'Taste nice, Sasuke-_kun?_ You now _belong_ to me…' Naruto whispered into Sasuke`s ear, before pushing him down and pinning him. Sasuke grunted and struggled to escape from the insane shinobi, his mind muddled.

'Get off me! Get off you bastard! Leave me-' the rest of the sentence was cut off when Naruto slammed his lips onto his team-mate`s…the potion took effect, and Sasuke pulled the blonde closer, opening his mouth to let the demon in. Sasuke soon found himself cuddled into Naruto`s side.

'I gotta go, see-ya in a bit Sasuke-chan!' the blonde untangled himself and began to walk off after pecking Sasuke on the forehead, the raven blinked and the events all hit him at once, turning his face a deep red and touching his lips in disbelief. _~that arsehole! Guh…what the hell did he do to me! ~_ And then he passed out, a blissful smile on his face…his mind starting to become warped to Naruto`s liking_. ~I love Naruto! And Naruto loves me! ~_

During D-ranks, Naruto would trail his fingers on Sasuke`s face, or squeeze his arse or even kiss him when Kakashi wasn`t looking. (A/N: Naruto looks like he`s 13, but he`s actually 14…Sai is 14 as well, Sasuke is 11, Haku is 15…and Kakashi is…*looks at NarutoWiki* 26-ish…awesomesauce…)

'Never pegged you as a kiddie-fiddler (5) Naruto…' Sai hissed at him, and laughed when he received the middle finger as they planted vegetables, Joker and Ivy running around and helping them finish quicker.

'It`s not like he`s 9-years-old or anything! He`s my pet…' Naruto hissed back, making the older raven blink in surprise and stare in slight shock.

'Pet? Naruto, what did you do?! If the Council or the Hokage find out, we`re fucked! They don`t even know about your ability, or the dolls! Or ROOT…we gotta tread on really thin ice now…' Sai said in barely a whisper.

'We`ll be fine, don`t worry…and I do what I want Sai! If I make him my pet, I`ll damn well do it, plus, if I have him…then we`ll get higher faster and I have a plan if this all goes tits-up (6) okay?' Naruto replied, smirking when the subject of their whispered discussion walked towards them.

'Hey, Sasuke-chan! Having fun, my dear?' Naruto smiled, Sai`s eyes narrowed at the completely besotted look the little ninja gave his best friend.

'It`s alright, good afternoon Sai-sempai!'

'Hey.' _~it seems that Sasuke, suddenly is a good boy to anybody who Naruto likes…I`m still not sure if that`s normal for people to do…I`ll have to research more on human behaviour…~_ Sai mused, watching how Naruto and Sasuke interacted and then spotted Kakashi standing a little far off, sakura at his heels like a pink Chihuahua… _~she is frigging useless! I have to make her leave the team, somehow…yet another mission for the Awesome Sai! …I must stop sub-consciously copying Naruto-kun…again. ~_

'Finished your conversation with your conscience yet?' Naruto grinned over Sasuke`s head, Sai nodded and picked up Ivy. Ivy hummed and put a black orchid in his inky hair.

'Yeah, I find that I am an excellent conversationalist…although it was irritating when missus blobby started screeching to be honest.' Sai smiled, making Naruto and Ivy laugh while Sasuke looked at them confused.

'Hello, my little sociopaths! I hope you got some work done, cause the sooner you finish, the sooner you can do your own thing…hey, Naruto…can I borrow Joker? I really want the new Icha-Icha book, and the store owner is being a dick.' Kakashi asked, looking at the clown doll and his maker.

'Really? They do realize that you are keeping the streets safe at night when you`re looking after us?' Naruto asked, picking up Joker and picking twigs and bits of debris out of the green mop. Kakashi quickly did a head count.

'I told them that, but the asshat still refuses! It`s signed too, and it`s the only 1 of the series that I don`t have! So…please?' Kakashi asked hopefully.

'I wanna freak out the locals! Can I go with him boss?' Joker asked, twisting around a little to see Naruto`s reaction or answer.

'Go for it…try not make _too_ much of a mess…' Naruto said, handing Joker over. Kakashi fumbled a little, until Joker managed to sit on his left shoulder.

'Thanks boss! Woo! I can see our building from here!' the doll crowed happily, pointing at the distance. Naruto laughed, his strange cackle not unlike Joker`s.

'Ok, thank-you Naruto! We`ll be back before you know it!' Kakashi chirruped and promptly ran off, Joker cackling at the speed they were going, demanding to go faster. Naruto did a fake sniffle and wiped an imaginary tear.

'They grow up so fast!' he grinned, Sai rolled his eyes and glowered at him.

'Remember what I said, Naru.'

'Alright, fine! I`ll reduce it a little…okay, okay! A lot! You can stop giving me the evils now.'

'Good.'

{{{END OF FLASH-BACK-NO-JUTSU}}}}}

'I wanna know…are you still dosing him?'

'no…I stopped months ago…turns out he actually felt something for me…and the elixir only amplified it, not to mention that he actually loves me, Sai…_he loves me!_' Naruto crowed, Harley jumped onto the beaten sofa with him.

'that`s awesome boss! But…isn`t he like…11 or something?' Harley asked, playing with his hand. Sai sat down, moving a paint-brush away to avoid being jabbed with it. Joker, Ivy and Dead-pool toddled in and climbed onto the sofa with the rest of them.

'Yes, he is…was back then. He just turned 12! Not as creepy now, right?'

'Yeah…only 2 years difference! Not like it`s a 10-year difference, then we`d have to put our foot down.' Harley declared and pulled Joker into a hug.

'I wonder what Kakashi-sensei would think if he ever found out…' Sai pondered, Naruto laughed and stood up. He put a hand over his left eye and pulled his shirt up so it covered his nose and mouth.

'I am very disappointed in you for…um, enslaving Sasuke! And making an awesome army of dolls! Not to mention that I look like a dodgy sweeping brush and I bully shop-keepers into giving me porn very cheaply! Very nice!' he yelled, sounding like Borat and making the others crack up.

'Also, ehehe! I like turtles! And Naruto and Sai are so very sexy! And I wish I was as awesome as Joker, Ivy, Dead-pool and Harley!' Naruto gave a bow when he heard them laughing and clapping and sat on the floor.

'Possibly that?' was Sai`s ragged answer when they all had finally stopped laughing. Naruto nodded and sighed happily, Haku walked in and saw the group all sprawled out and giggly.

'What did I miss?' he asked, walking into the kitchen to put the shopping away. Harley ran over to help, Ivy hot on her heels in a mad dash to tell him what happened. Soon Haku`s soft laughter was heard, and Sai got up to properly _greet_ his boy-friend…

'So, what`s the agenda boss?' Dead-pool asked, sliding over Joker in order to get to Naruto. Naruto looked at the calendar hanging on the wall and shrugged in reply. Joker growled and squirmed, annoyed at being used as a mattress.

'Gerroff me! Ya turd-fish!' 

'Did you just call me a shit-fish?!' (7)

'Well, in about 2 hours or so, we should go meet Kakashi-sensei for training and then we`ll troll around town for a bit.' Naruto cut in, stopping the fight before it escalated any further. Dead-pool pouted as his fork was taken off him, Joker whinged a little when his spoon was confiscated.

'I`m staying in the green-house…my babies need me.' Ivy stated, climbing on the sofa, Haku and Sai looked at each-other and shrugged.

'I need to go the hospital in an hour, I have a job interview there.' Haku explained, making Sai freeze in horror and then relief quickly replaced the feeling in his chest. The others wished him luck in getting the job.

'so, you gonna be a doctor then?' a perverse smile crossed his face as he imagined Haku in a nurse`s outfit, Haku walked over to window and watched the people below for a few minutes.

'Yes, and I won`t be wearing a dress…so get that stupid grin off your face before I slap it off.' He dead-panned, making Sai`s grin vanish.

'O-okay, how did you know what I was doing? You wasn`t even looking at me!' Sai asked, walking up to the taller boy. Haku looked at him and tucked a lock of inky black hair behind his (Sai`s) ear and hugged him.

'I just did.'

'that`s not a good enough answer!' Sai pouted and hid his face in Haku`s neck.

'Tough.' The medic-nin-in-training smiled and kissed Sai`s nose when the other pulled his face out of his neck.

'Power naps anybody? We can sleep the hour away.' Naruto suggested lying down and carefully arranging Joker and Dead-pool so they wasn`t getting crushed by him.

'Sounds like a plan boss…' Joker said, curling up and falling asleep on the blonde`s legs, Dead-pool following suit but on Naruto`s feet.

'they say that if you touch or be by your mother`s feet, you can go to heaven…' (8)

'Shut the fuck up Wade!'

'Calm ya tits Jack…jeez…'

'Boys…'

'Sorry boss!'

Somewhere else…

'You look rather lost my child, are you well?' A tall man with slicked-back raven hair and piercing green eyes, jolted Sasuke out of his reverie. The man smirked a little and sat next to him on the bench. (9)

'Erm, yes…I`m fine…who are you?' Sasuke piped up, looking up at the stranger in even stranger green and black clothes with gold pieces.

'I am Loki…a friend, you probably won`t remember me since you was barely out of infancy when I last saw you.' Loki told him, patting him a little patronisingly on the head. _~is this child a demon`s pet? Interesting…~_

'Oh, okay…nice to meet you again, Loki-san.' Sasuke lamely said, inwardly kicking himself for being stupid in his answer. Loki`s smirk got a little wider.

'I hear that you have a little problem unlocking these…_hidden talents_ of yours, I suggest that you find out a way, and _fast_. Since I heard that the council are planning to separate you from your demonic mate…along with other things.' the tall raven said, his honeyed words piled on thick.

'What?! W-why would they do that?!' Sasuke gasped, his eyes wide with shock. Loki shrugged and idly played with a bright blue cube of pulsing energy. Sasuke stared at it_. ~what kind of jutsu is that? And where did that cube of chakra come from? ~ _He had to resist the urge to grab it for himself.

'I am not for certain…but maybe it is to get at you, to weaken your mind perhaps? Or just to tame him and change him into their loyal weapon. Be weary of those who wish you well…after all, the road to Helheim is paved with good intentions.' He stated and stood up, gathering his sceptre and glowing cube.

'I wish you good luck on your transformation, Sasuke Uchiha. I`d hurry back if I was you…' And with those parting words, Loki vanished in a wisp of greenish-blue smoke.

The seed of doubt was planted, now all was left is to watch it grow into something dangerous…and _chaotic._

'Bye Loki-san…I have to get to Naruto-sama!' Sasuke gasped, suddenly standing up and grabbing his things before taking off to Naruto`s building, it thundered a little ominously_. ~what the heck? It was sunny a moment ago! ~_ He ran a little faster, dodging people and carts…charging through a crowd heading in the same direction he was going.

Naruto`s building…

'Okay, now we gotta meet sensei! We`ll get in trouble.' Sai commented as soon as Haku left to his interview. Naruto snorted and opened the door for them.

'Naruto-sama!'

'Sasuke? You alright? We`re going to find sensei…' Naruto said, kissing his cheek in greeting. Sasuke clung to his side through the entire walk to the training grounds and told Naruto about the stranger`s words.

'Is that so? Well, after we`ve got what we need from here…we`ll leave, sound good guys? We`ll be fine, don`t worry okay?'

'Okay.'

'Wait…like Loki? As in: Loki, god of mischief? He`s pretty chill compared to Thor…I only met him in passing, but he`s probably trying to screw with your head, or giving you a heads-up.' Dead-pool explained, instantly calming Sasuke down with that tid-bit.

'See? We`ll be fine, don`t worry your pretty little head my dear…' Naruto smiled, pulling Sasuke impossibly close as they practically flew to the training grounds. The raven made a humming noise and rubbed his face into Naruto`s shoulder.

'Okay kids! Today`s mission is a trip to take this scroll to tea country, so pack enough for a week! Alright? Meet me back here in 2 hours! Go!' Kakashi said, eye-smiled and poofed away. The genin and dolls looked at each-other, shrugged and turned back to the block of flats, in order to pack and tell Haku (Sai decided to tell him because the people would fawn over Sasuke and shun Naruto.)

A few days later…

Kakashi jumped out of his tent, kunai in hand and ready to attack. _~what the fuck was that squeaking noise?! ~_ he looked wildly around for a few minutes, before relaxing and climbing back in his tent and falling asleep…completely missing the hushed whispers of:

'Shut up, before you wake up the whole damn neighbour-hood!' and 'sorry!'

The next day saw Team Kakashi walking down a random path aimlessly, Kakashi glanced at Naruto and Sasuke walking in front and holding hands. He fought the irrational urge to pull Sasuke away and hide him away from the blonde. Or kill Naruto, but then he`d have to deal with the dolls and Sai…Sai would be difficult, seeing as he was in ROOT beforehand…

'A penny for your thoughts?' Sai interjected, recognising the dark looks Kakashi kept shooting at Naruto`s back. Joker and Harley snickered at the look on the scarecrow`s face. _~speak of the devil. ~_

'What? Nothing…' the scare-crow muttered, looking away for the others and into the surrounding forests.

'It don`t look like nothing ta me.' Harley stated with a smile, Joker grabbed her hand and childishly swung it back and forth.

'Why are you looking like you wanna commit murder?' Sai pointed out, Kakashi huffed and walked off to the very front and shoving past the duo in front of him, grumbling about nosy ninja and dolls. As if in unison, Naruto and Sasuke looked at Kakashi`s back and gave Sai a WTF look.

'Sensei doesn`t like that you`re together, methinks.' Sai shrugged, making Naruto shake his head: amused. Sasuke rolled his eyes and snorted in reply.

'I figured as much…wasn`t exactly subtle, was it? And the mucky looks were a dead give-away.' Naruto said a bit louder so the person in question could hear.

'Nope…though to be fair, he could at least try a little bit harder, instead of the silent treatment…cos none of us really care as long as he trains us in whatever.' Sasuke cracked a smile and linked arms with Sai and Naruto.

'Haha! Oh, before I forget: what the fuck was that squeaking noise? It made me jump ½ a mile!' Sai asked, scooping up Ivy and letting Dead-pool sit on his shoulder. Naruto cackled, putting Joker on his shoulders and Harley on his hip.

'Nothing!' Sasuke blurted, his face a bit red with embarrassment and pushed his face into Naruto`s arm. Joker leaned down a patted his head in –what he thought- a comforting way. Ivy simply handed him a red rose.

'It appears Sasuke squeaks when tickled, it sounded very cute by the way!' Naruto smiled, as Sasuke`s ears were now bright red. Sai glared playfully.

'Not in the middle of the night though! I was laid in my sleeping bag, minding my own business…when I heard this random-arse squeaking noise outta nowhere and scaring the crap outta me!' he ranted.

'Oh, diddums.' Naruto sneered, making Sai kick him in the shin since Sasuke was in the way of his arm and Joker blocking his head, so Sai had to make do.

'Prick.'

'That was from Sasuke too…in case you didn`t realise. Since, you just embarrassed him an all.' Sai pointed out with a smile. Naruto flicked his nose in retaliation, making the older raven yelp and glare: having not expected it.

'Ow! Bugger off!'

'Make me.' Sai replied by giving the finger, moving out of arms-reach and deciding to go back to them an hour later. Sasuke laughed at their antics, Ivy and Harley joining in. Joker pulled out a wooden spoon and hit an unsuspecting Sai with a solid *thock* to the head.

'Alright kids! Shall we set up camp, or keep going?' Kakashi chose that moment to pounce in before it could escalate any further.

'hn…might as well set up camp since it`s gonna be pitch black soon.' Sasuke commented, his old moody self making itself known.

'Sounds like a plan…so, shall we?' Sai smiled, gesturing to the trees. Naruto shrugged and began walking off in that direction, Sasuke following suit.

'Coming, sensei?' Sai not-so-innocently asked, making Kakashi twitch and he stalked off in search of his way-ward students, Sai snickered and gave chase at a more sedate pace, picking his way through the foliage.

'somebody`s in a mood today…what happened? Did he somehow figure out what happened?' Ivy asked, Sai shrugged. Dead-pool glanced up at the forms of his team-mates and sighed.

'I`m gonna take a wild guess here, but I reckon he thinks master has made his pet into some sort of slave…not that he ain`t that far from the truth. I think that he saw master give him some potion a few months ago and it`s only just clicked when he saw them in action…only to find out that he can`t do jack shit. That`s gotta be really fucking annoying, ya know? You think you got us figured out, only to find out that your prized student has the hots for the nutter of the team…am I right?' he deduced, Ivy and Sai stared at him for a moment and then applauded him.

'You know damn right!'

'Sounds just about.'

'This merc knows all!' Dead-pool crowed.

- T.B.C -

Tobi: words cannot describe how sorry I am! *hides behind Riot shield*

(1) It`s pretty obvious what`s happening at the other side of that wall…XD

(2) Edited out smut.  
(3) Should I start adding suffixes? Tell me via review!  
(4) I`m a Harry Potter fan…for those who have no idea what Amortentia is: it`s a love/lust potion…the most powerful 1 there is, I believe.  
(5) British slang for a paedophile.  
(6) British slang…again...

(7) What my mum kinda yelled at me a few weeks ago. XD  
(8) What my culture believes in, just thought I`d stick that there…since that Naruto is kind-of their "Mother"  
(9) A WILD LOKI APPEARS! Sorry, he`s slowly taking over my brain…  
Tobi: oh! I wrote a Death Note and Avengers x-over, called "Dead Memories" please read it and tell me what you think! Read `n` review please!


End file.
